Full Circle
by Vampbarbie
Summary: Everything has to come full circle. Sequel to Here. Character death so do not read if that offends. Please read and review
1. If This Is Love

This is the last part of the six years saga which included _Scattered to the Wind, Driftwood, Ace's High_ and _Here._ I do hope that you will continue to review this as you did those stories. Thank you.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just play here. Oh but if someone guesses where all my chapter titles come from they can comission me to write them a story!

_Italics_ are flashbacks.

There is a character death in the story so I will warn you now. And God& Buddahforgive me for what I am about to do.

* * *

**Full Circle**

(Five months later after 'Here')

Chapter 1: If This Is Love

"My mother likes you."

Jayne raises an eyebrow. "Yeah I'm sure she does. She thinks I'm a cradle snatcher." He pulls River into his lap. She giggles into her hand.

"Hope your mama likes me," she says softly and a little worriedly.

"My mama is gonna love you," he assures her. "Who was it sent you all those gloves an' socks an' such on Tanulia?"

"She might not like me in real life," River states matter of factly. "Might decide that a crazy girl isn't good enough for her son."

Jayne rolls his eyes. "She knows what you're like. Told her in all my letters didn't I?"

"Probably embellished me. Made me different, better…"

"Don't be stupid." Jayne kisses her on the tip of her nose. "She's gonna love you. I just gotta find Mal now and hurry him up to gettin' me home so you shut up."

Simon chooses that moment to enter the dining room. He pulls a face at River and Jayne and heads to the kitchen without a word.

"Oh don't be a misery Simon," River calls out to her brother. "Just because you and Kaylee…"

Simon points a spoon at her. "You shut up," he growls.

"Hey! Don't be rude to my wife," Jayne snaps back

"Less you wanna be finding another doctor for your child I'll say what I like to her."

Jayne has gone all red in that way he does when he wants to pummel someone. River stands up and takes his hands. "Let's find the captain shall we."

She gives Simon a look that says she will talk to him later.

Jayne looks from River to Simon and back again. The doctor isn't worth it. And Jayne knows that River desperately wants them to stay friends. So he follows River from the room.

"What's up with him?" he asks his wife softly.

"I think he feels he doesn't fit in here," she rubs her belly. "I want her to know her uncle."

"How are you so sure that's a girl?"

River looks at him. "Just know that's all."

Jayne sighs. "If that comes out a boy and all we got is pink clothes it'll be your fault if he grows up sly."

River giggles. "Okay."

* * *

_Pilot Hoban 'Wash' Washburn fidgets in his flight suit as he and his co-pilot Kingston 'Fox' Kelly walk across the landing field to their ship. He glances over at his friend with a grin. "I feel the need…"_

"…_The need, for speed!" Fox finishes with a sound high five. _

_Wash grins again and nods his head towards two other pilots trailing miserably back to base. "Wanna bet that Shuttle shot them down?"_

"_I won't bet against Shuttle and you know it. Let's just hope we keep our necks today." Fox says with a grim smile. "I don't wanna flunk outta here."_

"_Aye aye sir!" Wash throws him a sharp salute as they reach their ship. _

"_You are gonna be the death of me Wash," Fox sighs. "Just don't make it today, if you can."_

"_I'll try," Wash says powering up the ship. "But no promises."

* * *

_

Mal sips his coffee and swallows the scalding liquid with a hiss. Then he hears the soft fall of feet heading this way. He wonders who else is wandering about the ship at this time in the morning when Zoë steps into the room. She is wearing nothing but a tight vest and tiny shorts. Mal sweeps his eyes heavenwards and silently asks why women have to walk about dressed like this on his boat. Especially her. With him just coming from Inara's bed he has to slam his mind shut on thoughts that he should not be having about another man's wife.

"Good morning sir," she says softly.

"Hey Zoë. Wanna join me?" He raises his mug. "Is it really morning?"

She grabs a mug and slides in across the table from him. Mal pours her a cup of coffee so black that it looks like engine oil. Zoë takes a sip and pulls a face.

"You make this sir?"

"Yeah why?"

"No reason," she says but her mouth twitches into a smile. "It is morning though. About four a.m. Can't sleep?"

He nods and takes a swig of his coffee. They sit in companionable silence for about ten minutes, just drinking their coffee. Then Mal says, "Do you think Inara is happy?"

"What?" Zoë looks up a little confused.

"She has had two clients since Osiris. Two. In five months." Mal looks at the tabletop. "None in the last three." He swallows and doesn't know why he's telling her all this. Why on earth does he feel the need to tell her this? "I don't think she's happy here."

Zoë sets her coffee cup down on the table and looks at him. Why is the captain saying this to her? And why does she not want to hear about his relationship with Inara as strongly as she does.

"I mean all she does is wait for me to come back from jobs. She goes about looking all kinds of pretty with nothing much to do," Mal says looking up at her.

"Inara's tougher than she looks." Zoë says to him, meaning every word and remembering her composure when they had the funeral. "She stays because she loves you."

Mal shrugs, looks up at her, and says all earnestly. "Am I really worth staying for?"

Zoë feels a flutter in her chest and she says quietly, "The right woman would follow you to the ends of the 'verse sir."

Mal looks up and their eyes meet and they hold the gaze for a moment longer than they should.

* * *

"Close you eyes and relax."

Kaylee obediently does as she is instructed and tries to relax.

"Now empty your mind. Think about nothing more than melting into the bed."

Inara's voice is soft and quiet and the shuttle smells of the incense she has lit. Kaylee spreads her fingers into the velvet coverlet and wiggles them.

There are a few moments of silence then Kaylee says, "Wonder where Simon is?"

"Ssshh Kaylee quiet." Inara chides gently. "You're meant to be relaxing."

"Okay," Kaylee says and tries to empty her mind again. But all she can think about is him. "Do you think he's going to leave?" she sits up and opens her eyes.

Inara sighs in mild exasperation. "I don't know."

"I think he is," Kaylee continues. "I mean every planet we go to, he goes vanishing off. An hour, two, maybe three. I think he's lookin' to leave us 'Nara. He just ain't found the right port yet."

She blinks, her eyes bright. Inara strokes her arm soothingly.

"I don't think he wants to leave."

"He does! He won't even look at us anymore! Simon left a long time ago." Kaylee blinks again but doesn't stop the tears splashing onto her nose. "And everyone else is happy. Zoë an' Wash, River an' Jayne. Even you an' Mal ain't fightin' no more."

Inara looks at her hands in her lap.

"Just me an' Simon left to avoid each other I guess."

She sounds so depressed that Inara pulls her into a one armed hug. "This evening was meant to make you forget all this. Do you want me to do your hair instead?"

Kaylee nods miserably as Inara picks up a brush.

* * *

_Mal takes a deep breath and steps onto Serenity. He hasn't been here in nearly seven months. His leg took longer than expected to heal, due to a nasty infection. Then Monty claiming he had work that kept them away. Mal knows he was lying. Monty wanted to keep an eye on him. But he's fine now. Monty just wants to look out for him._

_He's managed to limp around Monty's ship and drive his crew to distraction. Serenity has been in storage. Docked with a friend of Monty's who owes him more than a few favours. Mal had thrown more than one fit about Serenity being left on some dirt ball of a world. That was when he was no longer drugged to the eyeballs or hallucinating. _

_Now he's staring into the blackened hole of a cargo bay and all he can think is that Kaylee will kill him. If she…he swallows and steps further in. Monty and crew hover at the bottom of the ramp. _

_He walks silently through the cargo bay and can almost hear the sound of girl's boots thundering on the catwalks. He walks past the infirmary, dusty and silent. There are still medical supplies on the work surfaces. Simon had left them lying there when he went running. Mal swallows deeply again and feels the ache in his thigh throb dully. He goes to the crew quarters, again silent and heads for the bridge. He steps in and stares at Wash's chair. There is a bloodstain on the seat and smears of dark dried blood on the console, the buttons, and even Wash's dinosaurs where Mal knocked them hurriedly away. _

_He closes his eyes and grips the back of the seat. Feeling slightly sick. He realises that his heart is thudding in his chest and his eyes fly open. Keep them shut and he can hear them. All of them. Bickering in his ears. Every last word he said to any of them. The shouting at Kaylee. The muttered thanks for the rifle – Daisy – that Jayne pressed into his hands. The steady "Yes sir" from Zoë. His last words to Book were just "Get to a shuttle preacher." To Simon and River not even anything to do with escaping. Before the Reavers came. To Simon it was a complaint that River was tying the cables in the bridge into bows for no more reason than to annoy him. To River, yelling at her to get off his bridge. _

_Mal rubs a hand over his face swallows again. He doesn't know if he can do this. How can he go searching for them after so long? Somehow his hands are grabbing a cloth and wiping at the console roughly. He keeps scrubbing until his fingers start to cramp up. _

"_Mal?" Monty's voice comes from the doorway._

_Mal turns and doesn't realise he has been crying. "I'm going to find them. You gotta help me."_

_Monty just nods. "Okay Mal. We'll go hunting boy."_


	2. Once You've Tasted Love

Here's Chapter 2 for you all.

It may seem all Mal / Zoe for those of your uncomfortable with it, and some bits will seem like that. But it isn't exactly what you think. If you want to give up on it thats your perogative but I know where its going :-P

I'm not telling who dies!

And there will be a few more Top Gun references to come...I just find that Wash and Goose are practically the same person...right down to the shirts!

Oh and the chapter title competition is still open (see chapter 1)

There is Rayne and Jayne's family in this one! Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 2: Once You've Tasted Love

"Simon?"

He looks up from a book as she enters the infirmary then sets it down on the worktop.

"How is my favourite patient?" He leans down and speaks to her bump.

River smiles at him. "She's fine."

"Good. Can't have problems with my niece now can I? No we can't can we, no, no we can't no…"

"Simon." She interrupts his descent into baby talk at her belly.

He straightens up.

"What happened this morning?" she asks gently.

He turns away and pretends to fuss with something on the worktop. "Err nothing."

"Liar." She says stubbornly. "Kaylee thinks you're leaving. Is she right?"

He stands there with his mouth open for a moment. "I…umm…"

"You are leaving aren't you?" River sounds hurt. "Why did you ever come back with us if you didn't intend on staying?"

He turns "River…" but she has already left the infirmary. Simon leans back against the edge of the worktop and sighs loudly.

* * *

Serenity lands in the dust just outside a small town on St. Owens. 

The crew assemble in the cargo bay. Jayne is twitchy and keeps pulling at the collar of his smartest shirt. River too is fidgeting nervously. Mal lowers the ramp and opens the air lock doors and looks out at the scattered collection of houses and farm buildings. The heat hits them like a wave.

"Which one do you call home sweet home Jayne?"

Jayne gives him a glare but points to one a few hundred yards away, grab's River's small hand in his big one and heads towards it. The rest of the crew trail after him, squinting in the bight sunlight. Mal slightly behind Jayne and River. Then Wash and Zoë strolling along casually, hand in hand. Little Mal running ahead of them, kicking up clouds of dust with his shoes. Kaylee hurries to keep up with them, keeping up a steady stream of chatter with Wash. Simon and Inara bring up the rear. Both looking less than completely comfortable in their present surroundings.

When they near the house a woman appears on the front porch, shielding her eyes with her hand. She is wearing an apron over a floral dress, and her greying hair is pulled into a bun at the back of her head. As they approach she calls out to someone inside the house.

"Jacob! Maddie! Benjamin! Daniel! Get your butts out here and see who's crawled on home!"

"Hello Ma," Jayne says warily dropping River's hand.

"Jayne Cobb, why ain't you been home to see your mama?" She says walking down the steps towards them. She is a small woman, no taller than River but even Mal realises that Jayne would never mess with her.

"Ain't my fault Ma!" he gestures to Mal. "This hundan…"

He gets cut short by a cuff round the head.

"Ow Ma!"

"Don't you use such language Jayne. And give your mother a hug."

The rest of the crew look on in amusement as the mercenary gives his mother a firm hug. On the porch three men, who all bear a striking resemblance to Jayne, and a girl of maybe fifteen, have appeared.

Jayne pulls River forwards. "This is River."

His mother looks her over and cuffs him again. "Why didn't you tell me she was pregnant?"

Jayne shrugs and has the sense to look shamefaced. "Surprise?" he offers lamely.

"Its very nice to meet you Mrs Cobb," River says politely, holding out her hand.

"Call me Lisa, none of this Mrs Cobb stuff," she says giving River a tight hug. "Now which one of you is Simon?" she asks turning to the group who have naturally semi-circled around them.

"I am," he steps forward slightly tentatively.

Lisa pulls him into a hug much to his surprise. "Well, you're all family now! I've heard a lot about you. But Jayne didn't tell me how much you needed feeding up!"

"Err okay…err thank you," Simon stutters.

Mary looks at the crew again. "Which one is the dead captain?"

Mal steps up and gives her his most charming smile. He bows to her and holds out his hand. "Captain Malcolm Reynolds ma'am."

She eyes his coat for a moment. "Independent?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good boy." She looks around at the others. "Lets save the rest of the introductions for over a cold glass of lemonade shall we?"

Kaylee squeals loudly and even Mal gets a slightly glazed over look in his eyes at the thought of real lemonade.

"'Emonade?" Baby Mal looks up at Wash with big eyes.

Wash scoops him up. "Yes son real lemony lemonade!" And his eyes are as big as his son's.

Jayne tramps up the steps and exchanges various grunts and nods and handshakes with three of his brothers. The girl looks up at him seriously for a moment then throws herself at her big brother.

"Jaynie!"

He groans, "Please don't call me that Maddie."

She grins. "You call me Maddie! My name is Madeline!"

Jayne laughs and ruffles her hair, then picks her up in a big bear hug. "Lead the way to the lemonade mei mei."

They all end up sat around the big table in the kitchen with tall iced glasses of lemonade in front of them. Mal introduces the rest of the crew to Jayne's family.

Lisa introduces the oldest Cobb boy as Jacob who smiles at them, and then Daniel, the quieter one who has lighter hair than Jayne, and finally Benjamin, the youngest with a wicked glint in his eyes.

The lemonade proves popular with Wash asking for seconds before anyone else. Even Kaylee and baby Mal.

"Of course," Lisa pours him a fresh glass as the kitchen door opens with a bang.

"I was told trouble had blown back into town."

The man standing there could nearly be Jayne's twin, except for the clothes.

"Your brother…" Kaylee says in shock "…is a preacher?"

Jayne mock glowers at every single member of the crew, who all have their mouths open. "Yes, he's the good one of the family."

He stands and his brother embraces him with a slap on the shoulder.

"Everyone this is my brother Luke. A disgrace to the grand Cobb name."

"Behave Jayne. We're mighty proud of Luke being a preacher so don't you be mockin' his callin'," Lisa tells Jayne off but with a smile.

Luke grabs a glass and pours himself some lemonade and throws himself into a chair.

"Now then," Lisa continues. "We gotta get you all set to stay."

"Don't worry about it," Mal starts. "We had accommodation on Serenity…"

"I will not have guests of mine sleeping on a spaceship dong ma? Jayne, River and Simon can stay here in the guest rooms. Kaylee would you mind bunking up in Maddie's room?"

Kaylee nods. "Sure, so long as Maddie don't mind?"

Maddie's eyes are shining so they take that as a yes.

"Mal and Inara can stay with Jacob and Ellen…"

"His missus," Jayne interrupts.

"And Zoë and Wash can stay with Daniel and his wife, Jemima. Does that suit you captain?"

"Yes ma'am," Mal smiles.

"Alright then. Boys off you run."

The two instructed Cobb boys leave the house. The others, including Jayne, start to clear the table. Lisa follows them into the pantry to wash up.

Inara leans over to Mal. "I'd never believe that Malcolm Reynolds knew how to speak respectfully to someone's mother."

"What? I can be polite you know!"

Zoë snorts quietly. "Learnt some manners when we were away?"

Mal rolls his eyes. "I can be quiet charming when I so choose…"

"You try charmin' my mother and I'll have Vera on you," Jayne warns as he walks back into the room clutching a bowl.

Mal just grins and gestures to his own chest with both hands. "Can I help it if I'm this alluring to women?"

Inara covers her face with her hand, as Jayne's mother comes back into the room. "That you can't boy, but you can get a big head so ssshh."

"Yes ma'am," Mal grins and accepts the bowl of ice cream she offers him.

* * *

The bar is gloomy compared to the bright sunlight outside. The only other people in there are two men playing cards at a table near the window, a barman cleaning tables, and the barmaid who is facing away from the room, polishing glasses. 

Jayne walks to the bar, leaving his wide brimmed hat firmly on his head. He sits half on a stool, keeping one foot on the ground.

"Two fingers of whisky ma'am," he drawls softly.

The woman turns and looks at him for a second, slight annoyance on her face. Then she looks a little closer.

Jayne leans back so she can see his face past the hat's brim.

"Well if it isn't Jayne Cobb!" She rounds the end of the bar and hugs him firmly.

He grins and pushes his hat up a bit. "How are you?"

"Fine fine," she sweeps a hand through her curly blond auburn hair. "Didn't think I'd see you back on this dust ball for a long time."

Jayne laughs.

River enters the bar in search of Jayne and spots him laughing with the woman. Her stomach flip-flops uncomfortably. Then he spots her and it's too late to run away.

"River baby," he calls and gestures her over.

River walks up slowly, feeling suddenly defensive.

Jayne loops his arm around her waist and grins at her. "River meet Ellen Cobb, Jacob's missus. Ellen this is River, my wife."

Ellen smiles brightly at River. "Pleased to meet the woman who finally tamed Jayne."

River smiles back stupidly, feeling like a fool for her earlier jealousy. "Pleased to meet you too."

"Jayne's like the brother I never had. When we were kids he used to put frogs down my dress."

Jayne laughs loudly. "I'd forgotten that. Jacob used to squeal to my mama. Boy you got me in some trouble girl."

She laughs. "You got any brothers River?"

"One, Simon. You'll meet him later. He never put frogs down my dress though."

Jayne snorts. "You probably put them down his."

Ellen grabs them some drinks and they sit talking in the bar for a long time until Jacob appears to drag them all home for dinner.

* * *

Jayne's mother has put on a huge spread of food for all of them. They are crammed round the table on a variety of different chairs, sourced from the Cobb's houses across the town. The boys had spent a time before dinner carrying them to their mother's house and arranging the dining room to accommodate the fifteen people it needed to. The chairs are a variety of heights creating an amusing tableau round the table. But the crew of Serenity are more interested in the food. Real pork, a couple of roast chickens, real vegetables, gravy and not a piece of processed protein in sight. Everyone piles their plates high and still Lisa Cobb keeps the table groaning under the weight of the food upon it. 

They are all however crammed together round the table, which leads to much banging of elbows and laughter as they try to manoeuvre the food dishes around each other.

Mal finds himself next to Zoë, with her sitting extremely close to him. He swallows the mouthful of chicken he has and wonders why he feels so uncomfortable all of a sudden. He glances up at Inara, down the table who is deep in conversation with Jayne's little sister Maddie. They seem to be discussing Inara's posh dress right now. Simon is talking to Jayne's mother, being unfailingly polite. Mal glances at Wash who is feeding baby Mal on the other side of the table.

Zoë looks sideways at him. "What is it sir?" She shifts her weight in her chair as she does so, meaning that her leg ends up pressed against his. Mal nearly chokes on his mouthful of food. Their gazes meet momentarily. Mal blinks and wonders why he never noticed how big and brown her eyes are. And why that thought is so very very wrong.

She pushes his leg away from her playfully. "Get back on your own chair."

It's something that they have done a million times, the playful push of the leg. But never has it felt like a static shock has gone through both of them.

Zoë pulls her hand away sharply and focuses her attention firmly back on the food on her plate.

Mal swallows the lump that is suddenly in his throat and looks back at his own food, then turns to Kaylee and tries to engage her in conversation.

River suddenly looks up and stares straight at him.

He looks round under the intensity of her gaze. "Yes River?"

"It rained in a clear sky," she says softly. "There wasn't a cloud but it still rained." She looks to one side of her at Wash who is paying no attention whatsoever, and then back to Zoë then settles her eyes dead on Mal's.

"Right…That's interesting…" Mal says slightly confused, but more worried at the gnawing of blame in his stomach. He hasn't done a thing but under her eyes he feels like confessing to a million things. River's eyes bore into his hotly and he wants more than anything to look away. River breaks the look first and glances to Simon.

Zoë glances sideways at Mal in confusion.

River looks at him as though trying to figure something complex out. "I thought so," she finally says serenely. Then starts to eat her chicken as though nothing has occurred at all.

* * *

"Hey," Simon says softly, running a hand through his already messy hair. 

Regan Tam smiles at him affectionately. "You should get your hair cut," she says.

Simon runs a hand through it again, pushes the front down in an effort to make it lie down and only succeeds in messing it up more. He sighs theatrically and gives up.

"How are you?" his mother asks gently.

He looks at the ceiling before he answers. "I'm fine."

The WAVE crackles slightly and Simon adjusts the camera.

"Really?"

He doesn't answer.

"How is River?" Regan knows when to change the subject.

"Getting big," he brightens, "she hates it of course. Says she feels like a whale."

Regan laughs. "Are you taking good care of her?"

"Of course!" he pretends to be affronted. "Everything is fine. The baby is fine."

"Can you tell me what it is?"

He shakes his head. "She doesn't want to know so I'm not telling you!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"I just want to know what colour baby clothes to buy," Regan says smiling. "How is Jayne?"

"Good, his family are nice. He's got four brothers, one sister. His mother told me I'm too skinny."

Regan laughs. "Well I agree, sure you get enough to eat out there?"

"For the last time yes!" Simon smiles.

Then she asks the one question he has avoided asking every time they speak. "How are you and Kaylee?"

He pulls a face before he can stop himself, and she frowns at him. "What's wrong?"

"We kinda…err…broke up. It's messy. I was thinking…I was thinking about coming home."

Regan blinks. "As much as I'd love to have you Simon, I don't know if that's a good idea. Your father…"

Simon sighs loudly. "I know. Maybe its just time I got off Serenity."

Regan nods. "Let me know what you decide. And keep an eye on River."

"I will," he says. "Love you."

"Love you too Simon. Goodbye."

"Bye," he says and signs off the WAVE. Then sits staring out of the window, as the sky turns orange. Soft footsteps come up behind him. He swivels Wash's chair, "River?"

"No, only me. They're looking for you," Inara says resting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"

She sounds so genuinely concerned that he can't lie to her. He can never lie to Inara for some reason. "No, but I'll pretend I am."

He stands up. "Shall we go before anyone…"

"Gets the wrong idea?" she laughs and raises an eyebrow. "Dirty mind doctor."

He flushes pinkly and Inara links her arm through his. "Come on."

Translation Notes

Hundan – son of a bitch

Mei mei – little sister

Dong ma? – Understand?


	3. Hate It

Ok I apologise severely for such a long delay I am still alive! Firstly I got major writer's block and then a Dr Who story (work in progress) started and well its taken a while!

please read and review. Competetion with the chapter titles is still ongoing. They are all from something. Knowing what earns you a custom made story.

Italics are flashbacks.

* * *

Chapter 3: Hate It

_Mal screws up the paper tightly in his hand, swears to himself and tosses it towards the bin._

_He can hardly just write "Hey Kaylee I'm alive!" now can he? She would never believe it. Kaylee isn't stupid. She'd think it was a trap. _

_Finally he decides that cryptic is the way to go. He has to pique their curiosity enough that they want to meet him. Maybe River's constant psychobabble has rubbed off on him. He finally writes;_

_'Kaylee, mei mei. I don't want you to be alone anymore. I want you to see tranquillity, one last time.'

* * *

_

Simon leans his head back over the bowl as Inara pours the water over his hair.

"Thank you for doing this for me," he says politely, screwing up his eyes to keep water out of them.

"My pleasure. You were looking a little scruffy doctor."

He can tell she is smiling as she runs her hands over his head to smooth the water from his hair. She squeezes the last drips out and smoothes his hair down. Simon twitches slightly at the feel of her hands on him. Stop it, he tells himself, I know its been a while but don't think that about her.

Inara reaches over to her dresser for a pair of shiny silver scissors and carefully starts to trim his hair.

"Not too short, just tidy it up," Simon says opening his eyes and blinking.

"Oh of course. You have to keep up your bad boy image," she mocks gently.

There are a few minutes of silence.

"So are you leaving us?"

Simon flinches, and Inara is glad she took the scissors away from his head before she said that.

"I don't know," he finally mutters gloomily.

Inara moves round in front of him and snips carefully at his fringe. She purses her lips in a way that makes him feel like a chastised child. "Well you had better decide hadn't you?"

He closes his eyes and focuses on the soft snip snip of the scissors. "I have to go," he whispers.

"Why?"

"Kaylee. River doesn't need me anymore." He sighs. "Don't fit anymore. Oh, and Kaylee. Anyway I think the Captain is gonna space me anyway if I make Kaylee cry again." His eyes remain closed throughout. He can't face Inara and say all this.

She doesn't say a word and he cracks open one eye to see her expression. She has her lips pressed tightly together and finishes his hair in silence. He doesn't break it.

"All done," she says finally.

"Thank you," Simon says standing up. He pauses at the doorway to her shuttle. "I'm sorry," he says as he leaves.

* * *

"So mechanic huh?" 

"Yeah," Kaylee rolls onto her stomach on the camp bed and looks over at Maddie. "Just know how machines work that's all."

Maddie grins from her bed in the gloom of her bedroom. "Well I wouldn't say no to travelling with those boys."

Kaylee snorts. "Not if you had to live with them. I've seen Jayne first thing in the mornin' and it ain't a pretty sight."

Maddie laughs. "But you got your pretty pilot and captain to look at instead."

Kaylee blinks. "Wash and Mal? Well Wash is married and Mal…I don't think of Mal like that. I'd be scared if that happened." She giggles. "Plus I'd have to pull his eyes away from our resident Companion and I think I'd lose." She laughs again. "But those two are sweethearts."

"But that doctor's pretty swai."

Kaylee suddenly goes quiet and Maddie realises that she's hit a nerve.

"I oh…sorry…were you..?"

"We were, then we weren't, then we were and now we're…I don't know." Kaylee sighs and hugs the pillow. "It's complicated."

Maddie smiles sympathetically. "You could always ask him to dance tomorrow night? The wedding party ma never got."

Kaylee shrugs. "Don't think Simon would dance with me. Oh well. Maybe one of your brother's will take pity on me."

Maddie snorts with mirth. "Goodnight Kaylee."

"Goodnight Maddie."

* * *

The next day dawns bright and sunny. Wash and Zoë take little Mal out to play in the large meadow behind the Cobb house. Simon sits on the porch and tries to keep out of everyone's way. There is talk of some big party in Jayne's honour or something that night. So the Cobb boys are hauling huge logs around and constructing a large bonfire. Some other town's people are stringing up lengths of coloured lanterns and banners. Simon stands and leans on the railing, and watches Wash and Mal. Mal is running about shrieking loudly, while Zoë and Wash chase him. Wash grabs hold of Zoë and she laughs and mock-fights to escape. Eventually Wash wrestles her into the grass and they lie there laughing. 

Simon suppresses the wave of bitterness this causes him to feel, when River comes running out of the house.

"Simon chase me," she yells leaping down the steps and heading for the nearby cornfield.

"River…River wait I don't think you should run in your con…" he trails off as she disappears and heads after her. He sprints towards the corn and follows her into the field. He has to batter the stalks away from his face as they try to whip at him. He curses to himself as a bit flicks him in the eyes. He swipes it away.

"River!" he yells.

All he hears is a giggle to his left. He swerves that direction and stumbles out at the far edge of the field. He comes out onto a grassy area, on a bank next to a tree whose roots rise up out of the ground in twisted arcs.

Kaylee is laying on her back on a patch of the short grass; her hand-me-down from Ellen Cobb pink gingham frock is hitched up so her legs are going brown in the sun. There are freckles appearing on her nose. She has her eyes closed.

River is nowhere to be seen. Simon coughs gently to alert her to his presence.

Kaylee opens her eyes and sits up. "Oh," she says. "Hi."

"Hi, have you seen River?"

She shakes her head and lies back down, wiggles a little to get comfortable and shuts her eyes again.

"What you doing?" Simon asks awkwardly.

"Sunbathing. Keeping clear of the loudness and mayhem. Nice haircut by the way." She says all this without moving.

"Oh. Thanks. Inara did it for me. My mother said I was getting scruffy."

"River mentioned you were calling her. Well sit down if you're going to and stop hovering." Part of her desperately wants him to stay, the other part is screaming at him to leave.

Simon sits down on the bank and they remain in silence for a long time. He starts to fiddle with a long strand of grass between his fingers. He stares at her and watches her breasts rise and fall with each breath. He forces his eyes away. He just wants to kiss her. But he has nothing to offer her. He is going to leave. He has to; it'll be better for everyone that way. But he can't resist tracing her body with his eyes and recalling her skin under his fingers and kissing those pink lips and letting her sleep against him. Waking up to her kisses, her eyes…he bites his lip and pushes the thoughts away. I'm leaving. I am. Its better for us all that way.

After about twenty minutes of just sitting in the sun, Kaylee stirs and sits up. "We'd better go back."

All she wants to do is take his hand as they both stand and push back through the corn. But she can't. Simon isn't the same man who said he loved her during that terrible escape, through smoke and screaming. She's not sure she knows him anymore. I've got to be strong. It'll be better this way.

* * *

"What was Jayne like when he was little?" 

Lisa Cobb sets the slab of cake down in front of River and settles herself into another chair, and smiles fondly. "He was a tearaway. But a good boy at heart. Hell of a tracker. He was bringing home hares for dinner when he was six." There is pride in her voice.

River smiles at her, picking up the slice of cake.

Lisa sighs lightly. "But he's too much like his daddy."

"How?"

"Likes to keep moving. Thinks the moss will grow on his boots if he don't keep walking. Went runnin' for the stars. Just like his daddy. Left us behind. But he means well. He thought that this dustball wasn't good enough for us."

River nods. "Think living on Tanulia was the longest he'd stayed settled for a long time."

"Yeah well we both know he only stayed because of you and your brother…"

"What?"

"He felt he owed you. Couldn't leave the two of you to fend for yourselves. He has got a soft centre my son, despite what he might pretend to the contrary."

"What you women gossiping about now?" Jayne stomps into the kitchen and frowns at River and his mother looking too cosy.

"Nothing dear," they say together and then share a smile.

Jayne looks worried for a moment then snags what is left of River's cake. He mumbles round a mouthful of crumbs. "Jus' so long as it weren't 'bout me."

* * *

_"Do you ever think about the future?"_

_Zoë sets Wash's plate down in front of him. "Why do you ask that husband?"_

_He watches her as she sits opposite him, then shrugs. "Well do you?"_

_She shakes her head. "Not really. Not anymore."_

"_Why not?" he presses with his mouth full of protein. _

"_A luxury I lost a long time ago," she states matter of factly. _

"_But I want to plan my life with you!" Wash's sudden outburst surprises her. "And your live for this week attitude isn't helping!"_

_She puts her mug down on the table firmly then rubs a hand across her pregnant belly. "We planned this," she says quietly._

"_And what else have we planned? Nothing. I'm going space crazy. We gonna die here on the Dinosaur with fat grandchildren?" Wash sighs dramatically. "I love you and I love this ship. But I want some assurances."_

_Zoë looks evenly at him._

_"Is it because of Him? Dying…"_

_Zoë shoves herself to her feet. Her eyes flashing darkly, and Wash realises he's gone too far. "It's because of there. Hera. I listened to those men make plans. Plans for when we won, plans for going home, dreams in the wind. Not one of those plans came to anything. Every one of those men and women are dead. Planning got them no where."_

_Wash opens his mouth to retort but she is already out of the door. He sighs again. I'll blame space fever, he decides._


	4. Take That And Party

I'm sorry this has taken so long, I had major computer failure so lost everything. Including the entirity of this chapter which has had to be rewritten from memory.

Jayne's song is _Cocaine Blues_ by Johnny Cash and Kaylee's song is _Juke Box Blues_ written by Maybelle Carter and Helen Carter. Both feature in the movie _Walk the Line._

Italics as usual are flashbacks.

Title competition is still open. Prize is a personally written for YOU story by moi!

The document editor won't let me insert lines to seperate stuff so using stars instead. Hope it makes sense still.

Please enjoy!

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Chapter 4: Take That And Party

Someone has found Jayne a guitar. Mal can't think of anything worse than Jayne with a guitar. Except Jayne drinking while playing it, like now.

"When I was arrested I was dressed in black  
They put me on a train and they took me back  
Had no friend for to go my bail they slapped my dried up carcass in that country jail  
Early next mornin' bout a half past nine I spied the sheriff coming down the line  
Talked and he coughed as he cleared his throat  
He said come on you dirty heck into that district court  
Into the courtroom my trial began where I was handled by twelve honest men  
Just before the jury started out I saw the little judge commence to look about  
In about five minutes in walked the man holding the verdict in his right hand  
The verdict read in the first degree I hollered Lordy Lordy have a mercy on me."

Mal retreats to a distance where his ears won't start bleeding, carrying his metal mug of potent locally brewed alcohol. He thinks his crew may have some sore heads come morning. He circles the haystack-sized bonfire and glances over to where a band is playing. Just some guitars, a fiddle, a handheld drum, tin whistle. Every so often a townsperson gets up to sing.

In the small area cleared for dancing Wash is swinging Zoë about energetically. Kaylee is dancing with one of Jayne's brothers, Mal can't tell which one. Inara is laughing at one side of the space.

He spies River sat one a chair at one side, wistfully watching the dancers. She is minding baby Mal who is pushing a t-rex into a patch of mud.

"How you doing?" he asks her.

She pulls a face. "Too fat to dance."

"Nonsense."

He sets down his mug on a nearby table and pulls her to her feet. He draws her close to him and dances a few steps with her. She smiles as he twirls her away from him momentarily, and then draws her back. The song ends too soon and he releases her.

"Thank you Captain."

He bows low over her hand with a crooked grin and mashes his lips against her knuckles.

When he straightens he looks her right in the eye. "Tell anyone and I'll deny I ever saw you."

She grins at him. "Yes sir."

He retrieves his mug from the table and carries on walking. He finds Simon sat on the ground looking pretty worse for wear already. He is swigging from a bottle and staring over at where Kaylee is taking the stage to sing.

Mal wonders what is it that is making his crew burst into song.

"I walked into a honkey tonkey just the other day  
I dropped a nickel in the juke box just to hear it play  
I didn't have no tune in mind, I didn't wait to choose  
Just dropped a nickel in the slot and I played the juke box blues," Kaylee sings, only slightly drunkenly.

Simon's face is pretty much unreadable, apart from the slight frown line between his eyebrows.

"You say anything to her…" Mal begins warningly.

"Yeah yeah I know. I'll go out the air lock," he answers flippantly before taking a slug from his bottle.

Mal thinks about giving him a swift kick as he walks past but decides that he isn't worth the effort.

He drains the last of his drink from the mug and sets it down. He feels the alcohol create that low buzz in his skull. He is sure he isn't drunk. Then he spots Zoë standing at the back of the dancing, alone while Wash and Inara whirl about the floor. He sidles up beside her and slips an arm around her waist. She looks at him, briefly, startled, before he whips her onto the dance floor with a grin.

She relaxes slowly in his arms as he drags her around the floor. Mal leans forward and speaks softly in her ear.

"Need to talk to you."

She frowns at him. "Why sir?"

He shrugs and won't meet her eyes. "Meet me by the barn." He steps back from her and smiles, before walking away.

Zoë watches him go and wonders what is happening.

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"Hey baby girl," Jayne stops dead in front of River with a crooked smile. "Wanna go for a walk?"

River gives him a smile, grateful to be given an excuse to escape the throng of Jayne's family who all want to know the girl who tamed Jayne Cobb.

They head in the direction of Serenity. Jayne loops an arm around his wife's back. "So how is everything?"

River nods. "Your mama is lovely."

"Good she likes you too. Likes everyone. Foolish woman," but he is smiling. "Soft spot for Mal for some reason."

River grins. "I liked the party…"

"But everyone is a little overbearing? I get it."

River laughs lightly. "Yeah. And Simon is still sad."

"Simon ain't sad," Jayne says with a smirk. "Simon's getting hammered. There's a difference." He pokes a finger into her forehead. "In your little girl brain they sometimes get muddled."

River pushes his hand away with a laugh. "Shut up. I suppose your big man brain knows everything."

Jayne grins. "Damn straight. I know you want me to kiss you."

River stops and looks up at him. "Yeah why not."

He grins and leans down to kiss his wife.

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Mal hasn't felt this guilty since his mama caught him behind the barn with his hand up Jenna Jackson's skirt when he was twelve. His mama had whupped him so hard for that.

He reaches out a hand to touch the shoulder of the woman sat on the hay bale, her back to him, but she turns before he makes contact. Her eyes are chocolate pools full of anger.

"Zoë…" he starts dropping his hand.

"Don't," after a moment she adds, "sir."

Mal stares at her for a moment the buzz in the back of his head getting stronger. Then he says the words that are possibly the most stupid ones he has ever said. "I love you."

She gapes at him for a minute or so. "I'm a married woman!" she finally utters in shock.

Mal looks ruefully at her. "I know."

Zoë suddenly feels incredibly uncomfortable under his gaze and in the simplicity of his response. "You're drunk," she counters.

He shakes his head and moves towards her. He drops into a crouch in front of her in the scattered hay. "No. Zoë I love you."

Zoë stands, roughly brushing loose hay from her trousers. "Get up."

She stares at him until he gets slowly to his feet. "You are drunk sir. Go get some fresh air."

Mal shakes his head, feeling the buzz turn into a wave of dizziness. "Remember what I told you Zoë? When you left Serenity? I told you I needed you. I always have and always will. That hasn't changed." He reaches forward and cups his hand around her cheek. He leans forward as though to kiss her again.

"Zoë?" The shout interrupts the moment.

She leaps away from him and heads towards the door, towards her husband, leaving Mal standing in the hay.

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_Inara carefully lights the candles, shielding them against the light breeze until the flame catches. She moves them gently back into their positions on the stone plinth before sitting back on her heels. An undignified way to sit but right now she doesn't care. This cold stone plinth, these candles unmarked with names, but Inara knows exactly which one belongs to who. The two to the left for River and Simon, the ones to the right for Jayne and Book, the one in the middle for Mal. All too lifeless to sum up any of the people they commemorate. It's been three years. Three years tomorrow and Inara has cleared her schedule. Somehow she can't think of doing anything on this day. She feels the tears prick her eyes for a moment, then overflow taking her mascara in black rivulets with them. _

_She had been strong for Kaylee at the funeral. She didn't have to be strong for anyone now. The other Companions knew better than to disturb Inara here. She lets the full wave of emotion take over her and sobs, her body heaving until she has to hold onto the plinth just to keep herself from falling to the ground. She keeps her eyes fixed on the flickering flame of Mal's candle before a sudden chill breeze snuffs it out._

Inara asks Simon to dance, trying to keep him from drinking himself into a stupor.

"I don't know how to dance to this," he admits as she pulls him onto the dance floor.

Inara smiles. "Its not that different from Osiris. You danced well enough then."

Simon's cheeks go ever so slightly pink and he loops his arm around her back. Inara settles one arm around his neck and push his arm lower down towards her waist. "But less structured. Relax." She laughs lightly.

"You remember what happened after we last danced right?" he says wryly as they start to move.

Inara nods. "Yes"

They twirl in time with the music in a rough approximation of a fast waltz.

"Simon are you ok?"

He shrugs as much as he can with her in his arms. "Fine."

"Really?"

"No. But then you're used to me telling you that I'm not alright aren't you 'Nara."

She sighs lightly and feels sad for him. This confused man in front of her who only seems to confide in her.

"You still haven't resolved things with Kaylee have you?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know. No."

"Why not?" Inara presses in a question that he doesn't want to think about.

Simon dips her low with an ironic grin. Inara squeals in surprise. Simon pulls her up and they come face to face.

"Why can't I work it out with her Inara?" a beat. "Why do I always end up dancing with you?"

Then the screamed words that send the world crashing down around their ears.

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_Simon leads them back up the stairs to the bedroom, looking white and exhausted. River quivers so much beside Jayne as they walk that he can actually feel her trembling despite not touching her. He reaches out his hand and gives hers a squeeze. Then drops it as they reach the door. Simon opens it slowly revelling the man lying in the bed._

_Book gives them a weak smile, and then coughs._

_River takes two paces into the room then stops, looking like she might take flight at any moment._

_Jayne however walks over to the bed. "How you doin' Preacher?"_

_Book rolls his eyes to the mercenary. "Not so hot Jayne," he croaks painfully._

"_Is that so?" Jayne continues. "Far as I can see you'll be up and about in no time."_

_Book coughs again. "Doubt it boy. Don't worry I know my time is up."_

_Simon has drawn River gently towards the bedside. He looks down at Book. "I want to say thank you," he says softly. "For everything Shepard. Goodbye."_

_Book nods, his eyes closing. He is obviously failing._

_Jayne looks down at the dying man. "Goodbye Shepard. You shoulda told Simon you were sick earlier though."_

_Book laughs and looks at them all tiredly. "Take care of each other." His voice is a tiny dry whisper._

_River's voice is tiny. "Dance with the angels Derrial. I know you can."_

_Book's eyes close again. "Take care…dance…" then he is gone._

_Jayne turns away as Simon leans over to take a pulse from the old man's wrist. River stares down at the body, then looks at the ceiling. "He's happy now."_

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River sits at the table in the dining area of Serenity while Jayne makes some tea.

Suddenly River cries out. "Jayne!"

"What?" he asks nearly dropping the teacup in his hand.

"She moved!" she has her hands pressed to her belly.

"Really?" Jayne puts everything back on the worktop and crosses the space in four paces.

River stands and he puts his hands against her bump. "I can't feel it," he says frowning.

River takes one of his hands and moves it. His eyes light up.

"I can feel her!" there is childlike wonderment in his voice.

River smiles at him then pulls a face. She blinks a couple of times, then her eyes seem to cloud over. "Jayne?"

Something in her voice is wrong. Then her legs buckle under her. Jayne catches her before she can fall.

"River? River!"

"They're coming. Someone is going to fall." She stares at Jayne, her face terrified. "They know where we are. They're coming here."

Jayne hates to think that he knows who is coming. "Who River?" he asks desperately.

"Going to cut us open and watch our innards squirm. Flay us alive. For fun!"

"WHO?" Jayne yells at her desperately.

"Reavers."


	5. Pray

New chapter people so I really hope you review. Its a bit of a cliffhanger...ok several cliffhangers so you'll all be cursing me in chinese by the end.

Thank you for the reviews anyway!

Comp still up for grabs!

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Chapter 5: Pray

Mal pushes the pistol into Simon's hands, as he is about to drop down the ladder. Below him River is screaming for Jayne to come down into the shelter.

Simon checks the gun's magazine quickly and reloads it.

"You know what they have to do if they come for you," Mal says firmly.

Simon nods, "Be careful Captain," and drops down into the hole, pulling the hatch closed above him. He shoots the two heavy bolts shut.

Simon drops into the gloomy pit dug in the floor of the barn for just such emergencies. Ellen has told them that there are many more all over the town. The room is small despite the size of the barn and with seven people down here it is verging on crowded. The only light comes from the cracks in the boards of the floor above. If Simon stretches upwards he could probably touch those boards with his hands. The floor is packed-down earth and the walls whitewashed stone of some kind. In the dead centre of the room a wooden support beam rises vertically from the floor. Lisa and Ellen are pulling the ladder away from the hatch and laying it against one wall. Other than that the room is empty.

Wash is holding River who is fighting to get back to the hatchway. She is a writhing ball of hair and flailing limbs. Wash struggles to hold onto her, he doesn't want to hurt her or the baby. Part of him wants to be doing exactly the same thing.

"Jayne's got to come down!" She shrieks loudly, causing the others to wince. "He can't leave me!"

Wash struggles to hold onto her. Simon takes two long strides and helps him wrestle the fighting woman. They end up forcing her back against one wall and pinning her there.

Simon grabs hold of her shoulders. "He's coming back. He is. But right now you have to be quiet River. We all have to be quiet!" he looks round at the group of people he is suddenly the accidental leader of. A group all milling around talking to each other. "Sit down and shut up!"

River stares at him wide eyed for a minute then sits delicately on the floor.

Wash lets got of her arm and moves to the middle of the room. He sinks to the ground and tries to bring his breathing under control.

Inara reaches out an arm and gives Simon's shoulder a quick squeeze, as he breathes out a long shuddery breath. She steps away and goes to comfort Lisa who sits with quiet tears running down her face.

"She'll be alright Mrs Cobb," Inara says softly.

"I know," Jayne's mother looks up determination blazing in her eyes. "My boys will find my little girl. And your crew mates."

Ellen nods. "They will be fine."

Kaylee sits against one wall sniffling inaudibly, and hugs her knees to her chest. Mal is out there. Where the Reavers are. The same reavers that nearly killed Mal before and now he is going hunting for them? Kaylee doesn't want to think about what might happen. She looks over at Wash; a broken man sat silently, against the beam and feels her heart break for him. Zoë and little Mal are out there somewhere. So is Jayne's sister Madeline. Kaylee digs her fingernails into her palms and prays very hard to a god she isn't sure exists.

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Townsfolk are busily dousing the giant bonfire in an effort to avoid detection by the Reavers. Jayne knows that they are already coming and know exactly where to strike. He strides forwards, Vera held ready in his hands, flanked by Jacob, Benjamin and Daniel. All four of them are armed to the teeth.

Jayne looks round at his brothers and they give him grim smiles. Jayne refuses to let his mind wander back to River. He has a job to do. River is safe so he can shut his mind on her.

The Cobb boys hunt better in a pack and tonight the Reavers aren't going to know what has hit them.

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_Wash stares down at the fresh grave at his feet. He balls his hands into fists. Everyone else has left the graveside long ago but Wash can't make his feet move._

_"I'm sorry Fox." He doesn't recognise his own voice. It comes out contorted. "Shoulda been me. It was my turn." He blinks hard. "You should never have switched with me. Routine accident they're calling it. I'm gonna leave Fox. See the stars like we always said we would."_

_Wash takes a step back and turns to walk away. "You deserved better than this. I swear that when I die it's going to be better than this. I'm going to matter. We swore on adventure and daring, and I'm going to find them." Wash rips the pilot's pips from the shoulder of his jumpsuit tearing tiny holes in the khaki material. "I'm gonna leave," he repeats quieter this time. He swipes angrily at his eyes and sets off down the hill. He has to leave. When he dies it is going to be worthwhile. It is going to matter._

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Mal presses his back against the wall just inside the broken doorway. The door has already been kicked from its hinges and lays a few feet away smashed into pieces. The room smells sour, like raw meat gone bad, and the lingering after smell of sex. Mal knows what that means. That is why this house is empty, like the four he has already searched for Zoë and little Mal. He cradles the rifle against his chest and strokes the barrel with his fingers.

Outside there is the screaming battle cry of Reavers. Mal flinches and flits his eyes sideways to the empty doorway. "No mercy," he whispers under his breath.

Zoë's face swims before his eyes and he thinks back to the last few words he told her. He said he loved her. Mal feels suddenly sick.

More screaming, closer now. A woman's voice crying out in pain. Not Zoë but Mal flinches again but knows he can do nothing more for her. A shadow plays across the doorway. Mal freezes. The shadow falls across the floor and stops. He can hear the sound of heavy breathing. Mal's stomach flip-flops and he hardly dares to breathe. He tightens his grip on the rifle and his finger twitches on the trigger. His chest starts to burn from a lack of oxygen and still the shadow lingers, sniffing the air like an animal. The fetid smell of Reaver pervades his nostrils and makes him want to gag. He keeps his mouth clamped firmly shut so as not to make a sound. The shadow moves further into the room and Mal can feel his legs shaking as the Reaver advances. Fate is the soldier's goddess and Mal knows that she isn't smiling on him.

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Jayne cracks the Reaver over the head with Vera when it gets too close for him to shoot. The Reaver falls back, blood pouring from its face. Jayne brings up a heavy boot and kicks it away. His brother Jacob fires a clean shot through the Reaver's head as he falls.

Jayne nods to him and walks to the woman they had been attacking, while his brothers check the Reavers are really dead. He doesn't look at her face, one quick glance only so he knows where to aim. The blood in the sand around his feet is enough to tell him that they can't help. He fires just once, then carries on walking.

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The room under the barn has grown stiflingly hot with the heat of the bodies down there, and smells of sweat and fear. Inara can feel her hair sticking to her forehead. There are sweat patches on Kaylee's pink gingham dress. Ellen is fanning herself with her hand and keeps looking upwards. No one had thought to grab any water. Only River sits serenely, her arms wrapped around the swell of her belly. The heat in the shelter is oppressive and rising, as is the testosterone level in the two men. They are stood toe to toe in the middle of the room glaring at each other and having a heated argument in low tones.

"I don't seem to see gambling helping us much here!" Wash snorts, his Hawaiian shirt stuck to his back.

"Well it was the only way you could save us!" Simon retorts. His hair is awry with sweat, and he has undone the collar of his white shirt and rolled his sleeves up.

"Least I have a woman who loves me!"

Simon stares at him open mouthed, and the look on Wash's face suggests that he knows the comment has gone way below the belt.

Inara stands up and hisses at them angrily. "Shut up! This is no time to be bickering!"

The growl from above them silences them all. A shadow moves across the cracks in the boards.

Kaylee starts to cry silently.

Simon sits down firmly on the floor, his eyes fixed on the shape moving above them. He reaches out a hand and finds Kaylee's. The gun is clenched in his other fist.

Wash sits down too, eyes also gazing fearfully upwards.

They all find themselves huddling together in the centre of the room, keeping low as if it will keep them safe. Simon and Wash find themselves sat back to back, an unspoken apology flowing between them. Kaylee huddles herself against Simon's left-hand side, pressing her body close to him and clasping his hand tightly. She keeps her eyes fixed firmly on the floor. River sits in front of Simon, legs crossed mouthing to herself silent prayers for her husband. Like her brother's face is the talisman that will bring him home safe and well. Ellen takes Wash's hand in sympathy and holds it tightly. Lisa sits and twists her hands in her apron and worries for her children. Inara bites her lip and lets one hand stray round Simon's arm; the other finds Wash's hand. She squeezes it gently and receives a squeeze back.

Then the sound of more footsteps, and something being dragged. Someone screaming. Crying out "Help me," over and over. The hairs on the back of their necks stand up.

"Cover your ears," Simon commands.

River does what he says immediately. Kaylee just whimpers. Simon untangles his arm from Inara's grip, lays down the gun and puts his hands over Kaylee's ears.

Wash doesn't cover his ears. He's already worked out that the voice isn't Zoë. But she is someone's girlfriend, wife, child. He winces and stares at the floor, as the noise gets louder.

Inara covers her ears but somehow it doesn't seem to help. She looks round at all of them. Mostly they have their heads down, trying to pretend that they are anywhere but here. Kaylee's eyes are screwed shut but tears course down her cheeks. Simon doesn't look scared; he's looking between Kaylee and River as though he doesn't know what to do.

River wonders why they're all sat so close together in this stifling heat. Its because they are all terrified and touch seems to soothe them. But there is a Jayne sized hole next to her and that makes her far more afraid than the Reavers do.

Simon is acutely aware of the pistol laying in his lap. And the fact that at least two of the people down here think he will use it to defend them. He stares at Kaylee's beautiful face and hates himself in that moment. She thinks he can save them all with that small pistol. That the doctor will be their saviour. When he knows he may have to kill them all.

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Zoë shoves her son into the girl's arms. He squeals and kicks and Maddie has a job to hold on to him.

"Mama," he cries pitifully.

Zoë gives Maddie a firm push towards the tiny tool shed. "Get in. Don't make a sound."

She hefts the pickaxe she has already appropriated from said shed and turns away. No words of good luck or goodbye, just a cool look of quiet determination. Maddie knows she has killed before.

Maddie scrambles into the tiny gloomy space and pulls the door shut behind her. It smells of cobwebs and old mud. The toddler starts to cry. Maddie clamps a hand over his mouth and jams the door shut with the handle of a spade with the other. She doesn't want to think about what will happen to his mother. Zoë's footsteps gather speed as she moves away. Then the ear-piecing scream of a Reaver echoes around the shed. Baby Mal screams silently against her hand.

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"Lord watch over us and protect us from all evil," Luke Cobb leads the congregation in the prayer inside the stone walls of the church, the most solid building in the town. The shutters have been locked shut over the glass windows. Outside comes the bark of gunfire and the whoop of men and the screams of devils.

Luke's voice falters over the words of the familiar prayer.

"Jesus watch over our sisters and our brothers, our mothers and fathers. Keep them safe from the monsters of your universe."

He knows only a few men who would be stupid enough to be outside during a Reaver raid, and he is related to most of them.

"Amen."


	6. Never Want To Let You Go

New chapter new dangers. I'm not letting on who dies its all part of my brilliant yet evil plan to keep y'all reviewing! ;-) You know you want to. Plus I love reviews!

**Title Competition** is still running and so far I've had not a single guess messaged to me! Come on guys!

Italics are flashbacks.

Enjoy!_

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Chapter 6: Never Want To Let You Go

_Reavers. The word makes her blood run to ice. She looks up from her seat on a wooden bench. And her eyes meet the ones of the man who is staring at her, another woman in his arms._

_She is on her feet in an instant and moving towards them. That word in probably the only one in the entire 'verse that can destroy everything she is so desperately clinging to._

_Inara's hands grip onto Simon's arms and she stares at him intently. For a moment Kaylee hates her. She wants to be in his arms, have him holding her while the world goes to hell._

_"Kaylee!" His yelled word startles her and he reaches out a hand and grabs hers. In his other hand is Inara's hand and he is dragging them both towards the barn. "Run!"_

* * *

Wash uses his full weight to hang onto the iron handle on the inside of the hatch but still his feet are dragged clear of the floor as the hatch bows upwards and outwards. Simon hauls down on Wash's body, trying to keep the man from being dragged upwards when the hatch inevitably breaks. Kaylee is screaming. Inara has her arms around her and they, along with River, Lisa and Ellen are pressed into the furthest corner from the hatch.

"Let go," Wash insists

_When I die it's going to be better than this. I'm going to matter._

"What?" Simon yells at him over the screams of the Reavers. He surmises that there are at least four up there by now. And even one in this tiny pit will kill them all. The pistol is jammed in his waistband as he hangs on grimly to Wash.

"Let go. You've got the gun. You know what you need to do." His voice is harsh.

Simon lets go and steps back, as Wash continues to hang desperately onto the shaking handle. Only the thick oaken timbers are keeping the Reavers from tearing them apart. Simon's hand finds the pistol grip and closes around it. He turns to face the others while Wash fights with the hatch, his feet kicking and scrabbling on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Kaylee asks him fearfully.

Simon lifts the pistol slowly, calculating angles and if any of them will try and stop him. "What I promised Mal I would. If I had to."

River crosses her arms across her belly. She could stop him. She knows she could. Or she could let him shoot them all. It wouldn't be any messier than the Reavers getting down here. Quicker too. Simon knows where to shoot to kill a man. Not like before – two by two hands of blue – when Simon's gun didn't shake, when he stood there bloodstained and he let that man die a silent agonised death. Now she can see the muzzle trembling as he aims it at Kaylee. River had wanted this once upon a time, listening to the piano as he played. She had closed her eyes and waited for this that time. Let his song overwhelm her. She can feel the crashing of her big brother's emotions all around her. He just wants to spare them that. But he doesn't know if he can shoot them all and turn the gun on himself.

"Simon…" Inara starts breaking River's reverie.

"I'm sorry," Simon says, but his eyes are fixed on the mechanic as his finger flexes over the trigger. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

_Mal sits huddled in the pilot's seat and stares very hard at the big red button Wash had installed last time he ordered them from his ship. His crew must be waiting for him to press that and call him back. Truth be told, he'd disconnected it a long time ago. Just enough so that it wouldn't do anything but that neither Wash nor Kaylee would notice that he'd done it. If Malcolm Reynolds ordered his crew to leave him and Serenity then he had a damn good reason. Like this time. He wouldn't call them back into space where Reavers were roaming. He might have killed those on Serenity but the Reaver ship had gone chasing a shuttle. Mal balls his fists underneath the rough grey blanket over his shoulders and frowns deeply._

_Yesterday seems such a long time ago. He reaches forward, grabs his glass, and takes a deep slug of the cider in it. He is pretty sure that he shouldn't be drinking when swallowing the doc's pills. But since he can't read half the names on the bottles anyway except to know that they help for pain he isn't too worried. So long as it takes the edge off._

_His leg throbs painfully. Mal winces._

_"Mayday mayday," he says into the comm. "Monty where the good gorram are you?" he glares at the staticy screen as his words echo back to him mockingly from the empty ship. "Reavers Monty! Please come in!"_

The shadow suddenly slides from the doorway. Mal feels his knees try and buckle beneath him in relief. He locks them and leans his head back against the wall behind him. The Reaver is still out there he suddenly realises. He can smell the stench of blood on it. The loud Reaver battle cry behind him through the wall sends him flying across the room and behind the large wooden dining table that has been overturned. Mal pulls his knees up to his chest and sits there shaking, his brown coat puddled around him.

"Not again, not again," he mutters to himself. "Kwan Yin watch over me."

He cradles the rifle against his chest, the barrel pointing vaguely in the direction of the door. His gun becomes the only solid thing, as the room seems to swim around him.

"No mercy," he mutters under his breath. "No mercy, no mercy."

He doesn't want to think about what will happen if that Reaver gets its hands on him. There comes the sound of rapid gunfire and Reaver war cries nearby. It sounds like it is underwater, distant and unreal. Something comes flashing through the doorway and thuds into the table. Mal jumps and almost fires his gun. He looks at the object, a four bladed throwing weapon, which is dug into the heavy wooden tabletop. Mal winces; there is blood on the blades. Fresh and bright red. "No mercy." Can't let them hear me. They will finish me this time. Mustn't. Gonna die if I do.

A large shadow falls throw the doorway and enters the room.

* * *

"Don't be stupid!" Lisa Cobb steps in and cuffs Simon roughly round the back of the head.

He isn't expecting the blow from the side; his attention was so focussed on Kaylee; so he jerks his arm upwards pulling the trigger as he does so.

Kaylee screams loudly.

Simon stands there staring wide eyed at the bullet now lodged deep into the wood above them. "Oh god Kaylee I'm…"

"A little help!" Wash yells cutting in.

They all spin to see Wash fighting to keep the hatch down. There is the sound of splintering wood as the bolts start to come away.

"Grab that ladder!" Ellen suddenly says, reaching for it. "We can break off the rungs and jam the pole through the handle."

Simon rushes to help her, bringing his foot down on the old wooden rungs repeatedly until they break.

Finally they get the ladder into pieces and are passing the six-foot pole up to Wash, when Inara calls out, "Simon!"

He turns to see her crouched next to River who is sat on the floor looking pale and holding her stomach.

Inara looks up at him. "I think the baby might be coming."

Simon blinks and stares in horror at River. "It can't be."

Inara shrugs. Simon drops to his knees next to his sister and puts his hands carefully against her stomach.

"Mei mei are you sure?"

River shakes her head looking like a scared girl.

Simon stands and draws Inara out of River's earshot. "Her waters haven't broken but that sure as hell felt like a contraction." He frowns deeply. "But it's too early. If we have to deliver a baby now she could die."

Meanwhile the others have manoeuvred the pole so that it can be jammed through the metal handle on the hatch. Wash takes a deep breath and reaches for the pole with one hand, still hanging on the hatch with the other. That is the moment when the bolts give way simultaneously, and Wash finds himself hauled upwards. He yells and finds himself face to face with a Reaver. It has startlingly human blue-grey eyes that are looking at him. Wash screams. "Shen sheng diyu!" He, Hoban Washburn is staring at the tattooed, pierced, mutilated face of a Reaver and it's licking its destroyed lips.

* * *

Translation Notes:

Kwan Yin - Goddess of mercy

Shen sheng diyu - holy hell


	7. Today I've Lost You

Here's chapter 7 for you all!

First of all congratulations to Phazed who correctly guessed that all the chapter titles were the names of **Take That** songs. The submitted story criteria is being considered and will be started once Full Circle is finished.

This is all angsty and I apologise now. It was pretty hard to write, hence the delay. I kept rewriting until I was happy. Comments and reviews are always welcome!

* * *

Chapter 7: Today I've Lost You

_Maddie sinks to the floor trying not scream. She keeps her hand over baby Mal's mouth who squirms uncomfortably against her. Her legs are shaking so badly that she is sure they will knock into something and bring the rickety old shed falling around her ears. She can hear screaming. Women screaming. People she knows are dying out there and there is not a thing she can do about it. Tears spill down her cheeks. Her brothers are all stupid enough to be out there. Probably not Luke, he can be sensible. They pretend to be the big bad but they are all softies at heart, and they will all want to be heroic, save people. Even if it gets them killed._

_The door suddenly flies open, the jammed spade falling inwards. Maddie shrieks and that sets Mal bawling._

_"Jesus! Maddie shut up!"_

_She lifts her head to stare at the faces of two of her brothers. Jayne and Daniel stare down at her in complete horror._

_"What the hell you doin' in here girl?" Jayne snaps._

_"Hiding. Protecting Mal."_

_Jayne looks over his shoulder nervously. "Where's Zoë?"_

_"Drawing them off," Maddie jiggles Mal to shush him._

_"She armed?"_

_"Pickaxe."_

_Jayne swears in words that Maddie has never even heard before, let alone ones her mother would appreciate. If Jayne said things half as obscene as that when he still lived at home their mother would hold him down and wash his mouth out with soap. She still did it even when he towered over her, and he'd done that since he was thirteen. Jayne would never fight back. Not against his mama._

_"Daniel stay here! Don't let that gorram girl out of your sight! Maddie I love ya, now shut up and lock this door!"

* * *

_

_Zoë looks down at baby Mal who is sat on the patch of grass, banging a t-rex into the ground. He looks so like Wash to her but he is named after a man who commands just as much respect as her husband. Sometimes more, she is ashamed to admit. And Mal had been dead…well sometimes the living can't live up to that._

_Zoë paces back and forwards along the edge of the high corn beside the gnarled tree roots. Kaylee has told her about this place earlier and she had shaken off Wash to come here to think._

_She can still see Mal leaning into kiss her. He kept his eyes open, looking into hers. He's said he needed to talk to her about something important. Then dragged her to sit on that hay bale and stared at her, looking nervous._

_"What?" she'd asked completely unaware of what was about to happen._

_Then he'd leaned in, put a hand on the back of her neck and kissed her. A real slow lingering kiss before her brain had realised exactly what was going on. Then she'd shoved him off that damn hay bale into a heap on the floor. He went flying but still looked at her with those gorram puppy eyes of his that he normally reserves for Inara or Kaylee._

_Zoë sighs loudly and runs a hand over her face. Why in the 'verse is she suddenly thinking this way about Malcolm Reynolds?_

_"Reavers!" The screams come from the town's square._

_She scrambles to baby Mal and hauls him into her arms as he kicks. That is when the plume of black smoke cuts across the sky.

* * *

_

She thrusts the pole upwards as hard as she is able to, putting every ounce of strength behind her arms. There is a sickening crack as it connects with the Reaver's face. There is an anguished howl and she pushes it up even harder. There is a spurt of red above them as she pulls the pole back, and Wash drops down to the floor. The hatch rattles back into place and Kaylee rams the pole through the metal handle before the Reavers can grab it away again. Ellen pushes up the other end of the pole to help her get it through securely.

Wash sits on the floor below the hatch, sweating.

"You okay?" Simon asks him from his place beside River.

Wash nods weakly. "Yeah." He can't stop himself shaking. "Kaylee you kicked ass!"

The hatch above them rattles violently but holds. For now. The Reavers scream in frustration.

Kaylee is staring at Wash. "You have blood on you," she says feeling sick at what she has just done.

He wipes at his face and his hands come away red. "Urrrgg!" He scrubs at his face with his hands in a vain effort to clean the blood off. Inara moves to him and gently wipes his face with the hem of her skirt. She doesn't ask his permission and he doesn't stop her either. Just looks at him like her own gorram heart is breaking for him.

Wash just stares at her. "Thank you," is all he can manage to say and even then his voice wavers.

"Hurts!" River suddenly cries out.

"What is it sweetie?" Inara moves to her side and pushes River's hair off her face tenderly.

"Everything hurts!" River sobs. "Turning inside out, everything is. This isn't right." She screws up her face in pain. "Outside in, inside out. There's a hole in the world."

Simon can see the old madness flickering behind her eyes. Because of the baby he hadn't been able to give her the proper medication she needed. But somehow Serenity was good for her. She hadn't returned to the crazy little girl from years ago, she was holding on. Simon puts his hands on hers, terrified that she was going to crack.

"Won't break Simon," she looks at him, eyes full of tears. "Not me." She clasps her hands across her belly and bites back a strangled scream.

Kaylee grabs her hand out of Simon's. "Its okay River."

River shakes her head, and suddenly fixes her eyes on Simon. So intently that he lets go of her hand.

"Dead."

The one word stops everyone still in their tracks. Silent tears of abject misery start to spill down River's cheeks. Simon gathers her in his arms, silently, his face set grim. River rests her head into his chest and sobs noiselessly.

Wash is staring at the rattling hatch and his eyes and thoughts are a long way from here.

Inara twists her hands in the ripped silk of her dress that sticks, sweat soaked to her legs. She wants to give in. all she wants right now are Mal's arms tight around her.

Lisa looks upward suddenly a few moments later. "The noise has stopped," she whispers.

No one speaks. Just sits there and waits. Waits for something. None of them know what.

It is so quiet that Kaylee wonders fearfully if they are the only ones left. Are the Reavers just finishing up and keeping them for later? I don't want to die in a whitewashed pit under a barn on St Owens. I want to live. I want to smell the fresh morning air again. I want to taste strawberries on my tongue. I want to dress up and drink champagne and not let a fight spoil the party. I want babies of my own. And I want Simon.

She looks over at him. He looks up when he feels her eyes on him. It feels like that moment so many years ago. There is nothing but his eyes. She mouths three little words to him and he smiles ever so slightly. She wants him and she has him.

* * *

Daniel Cobb braces his feet against the door as it bangs inwards. The force rattles his leg bones and he settles the rifle against his shoulder that little bit firmer. Maddie clings to him as best she can with Mal in her arms. All Daniel can think about is his wife Jemima; she is going to be a widow if he can't keep this gorram door shut. She's too young to be a widow. And he's too young to gorram die. The tool shed rocks around them. 

Daniel's finger twitches on the trigger as the door slams into his feet again. Maddie screams and Daniel swears as his knees come towards his chest.

There is an ominous creaking. Maddie shrieks again and Daniel yells out as the tool shed shakes violently then collapses on top of them.

* * *

Mal rights the table with one swift movement. Jayne shrugs Zoë off his shoulder onto the tabletop. Jayne's left arm hangs limply at his side and he is covered in blood from head to toe. No wonder Mal had thought him a Reaver. Jayne says nothing about finding his captain hiding behind a table. 

Zoë's head lolls to one side and Mal can see the torn flesh at the base of her neck. Her top is covered in blood; Mal lifts it gently and can see a large ragged wound on her stomach. He swallows and feels a little sick. Her trousers are ripped down one side from ankle to hip, revealing the entire length of her leg. And her belt is broken. There are bruises there, they look like fingerprints. Oh no, they haven't…not to Zoë. Mal feels very sick now. Not to Zoë. He couldn't bear the thought of those…things, touching her like that.

Mal sways a little and holds onto the edge of the table. They need the doctor and they need him now.

"Was she conscious?"

"What?" Jayne looks at him.

"When you found her? Was she awake?" Mal presses, pulling his shirt over his head without unbuttoning it. He presses it against Zoë's stomach trying to staunch the blood.

"No…I don't know." There is panic in his voice. "Don't think so. Reaver had her up against a wall Mal."

Mal shudders.

Jayne realises he need to reset his shoulder if he's to be of any help so he grabs his own left shoulder with the opposite hand and yanks. There is a squelching pop and he bites off a string of curses. He works the shoulder joint round a couple of times wincing. "I'll clear the way shall I?" he nods towards the door hefting Vera.

Mal leans over and kisses Zoë softly on the lips. Then looks up at Jayne with his face set darker than the mercenary has ever seen it. "Do it. NOW!"

* * *

"Our Father who art in heaven…" 

The congregation kneel to say their prayer but not out of any piety. They are huddled under the pews in fear. Only Preacher Luke Cobb remains standing by his lectern. Only his white knuckles betray his fear as he keeps his voice low and even. He has faith in his brothers. He's always had faith in his brothers, even if they reject the path of good so whole-heartedly.

Overhead there is the sound of a ship taking off. Luke closes his eyes but carries on talking. He knows that means the Reavers have had their fill. They have hit St Owens and now they need to clean up their messes.

"…For thine is the power, the power and the glory, forever and ever. Amen."

* * *

_"Get your people into the barn Captain," Lisa Cobb orders him._

_"I think…" Mal begins his mugs dropped forgotten at his feet and making a puddle of ale._

_"Well don't think, do it!" For a moment she sounds so like Jayne that it scares him._

_"Crew of Serenity! Get your asses into the barn!" Mal bellows across the chaos that was once a celebration._

_He spots Simon racing towards the barn towing Kaylee and Inara by their hands._

_Mal follows them._

_Moments later they are all gathered in the darkness of the barn. Ellen Cobb is hauling up the hatch to reveal a pit._

_Kaylee's eyes are wide and terrified. Mal touches the side of her face without a word. He looks around and mentally checks off his crew. His blood suddenly runs to ice. Zoë is missing. He looks at Wash who is looking towards the door agitatedly._

_"Where's Maddie?" Jayne's mother suddenly asks._

_"She ain't here?" Kaylee says._

_Jayne looks round at his three brothers. "You still hidin' them hot rifles in the hay loft Benjamin?"_

_Benjamin nods. Jayne fixes his face. He turns and kisses River firmly. "Goodbye River. I'll be back later."_

_River stares at him. "No! You can't!" she screams._

_Jayne is already climbing the hayloft ladder._

_"Mal…" Inara says in his ear suddenly._

_Mal turns, takes her hand and kisses the back of it. "Got somethin' I gotta do darlin'."_

_"Mal don't…"_

_But Mal turns away and looks towards the Cobbs. "Arm me up boys."

* * *

_

"DOCTOR!" The bellow and accompanying gunfire from above startle them all.

The hatch rattles roughly.

"JAYNE!" River screams leaping to her feet and reaching for the pole.

Simon and Wash leap up to help her. The hatch comes falling into the pit, crashing to the floor and breaking in two. The three of them look up into the blood-covered face above them.

Jayne smiles, his teeth very white against the red.

"Jayne Jayne…" River babbles.

Jayne leans into the hole. "Pass her up."

"Where's Zoë?" Wash asks desperately.

Jayne ignores the question.

Simon gives River a leg up into Jayne's waiting arms. He hauls River upward with a low grunt of pain. He sets River gently on the floorboards. She stares up at his bloodied face, which is twisted in pain.

"Jayne baby?" she says desperately wanting to kiss him but repulsed by the blood and wary of his expression.

"Walk out of this barn River. Keep your eyes on your belly button and get into the house and stay there." His voice is firm.

Jacob and Benjamin are pulling Simon out of the pit.

"Go to Serenity. NOW!" Jayne orders him. "Run!"

Simon realises that there is no argument to be had and sprints from the barn.

"WHERE'S ZOЁ?" Wash yells from underneath them.

"The baby might have come," River states simply. "Started turning inside out. She's sleeping now though." She grabs his hand and places it against her stomach.

Jayne bites down on a yell.

"What is it?" she asks worriedly.

He grimaces. "Dislocated my shoulder. I'll get your brother to look at it later. He's got more important things to do." Jayne gives her a push. "Go and don't look up dong ma?"

She nods and fixes her eyes on the top of her bump, and leaves without further comment.

The other Cobb boys have pulled Wash out of the hole.

"Run Wash," Jayne tells him seriously. "Hurry."

* * *

Translation Notes: 

Dong ma? - Understand?


	8. Another Crack In My Heart

Here is the next chapter (after another computer apocalypse!) This one does contain the character death so you are forewarned. Its all a bit tear-jerking. I got all teary when I wrote it.

PLEASE read and review! I'm interested in whether the person who dies is the person people expected. I've been sent a few interesting theories on who should die and why.

_

* * *

_

Chapter Eight: Another Crack In My Heart

_He looks the part – the clean white doctor's uniform, the stethoscope hanging from his neck, the neatly slicked back hair. Yes every inch the part and he feels like a child who has raided the dressing up box. He takes a deep breath and wills his hands to stop shaking._

_Dr Simon Tam walks slowly towards the woman sitting with her two children. The smallest child, a boy is maybe five, the girl in her early teens. The woman tidily dressed but there are crow's feet at her eyes with tiredness._

_Simon's feet like they are stuck in quicksand. It seems to take an eternity to reach them._

_They spot him and stand, worry etching their faces._

_"Mrs Lee, I'm Doctor Tam," he says slowly and to his credit his voice doesn't shake. "I was part of the team treating your husband. I regret to tell you that the damage was too severe, and that he did not survive the surgery."_

_Those easy words. The first time he has said them to someone and not in his head walking down that corridor._

_The whole moment seems to slow down. Mrs Lee's hand goes to her mouth and she stares at him wide eyed. The girl starts to cry and the little boy gazes up at him not understanding. Then Mrs Lee steels herself blinks and drops her hand._

_"Thank you doctor. You looked after him well. I'm sure you did everything you could."_

_Simon nods numbly. "I'm terribly sorry for your loss Mrs. Lee."_

_Simon turns in his polished black shoes and walks away without a backwards glance.

* * *

_

Inara stands just inside the doorway of the barn and feels utterly useless. The smoke from torched houses drifts gently across the town. Screaming echoes after it.

The smell of blood comes to her on the night air. She retches and swallows deeply. She had already seen one body tonight. The woman the Reavers dragged into the barn. Inara covered her face with the shawl she had abandoned whilst in the heat of the pit. She feels cold now without it. But she didn't want Kaylee to see her ravaged body when Jayne's brothers pulled them out of the hatch. Jayne sat to one side on a hay bale nursing his arm. Kaylee waited precisely three seconds to squeeze Jayne's hand, tell him she was glad he was alive and then went running from the barn.

"Kaylee wait!" Inara had cried after her.

"I've got to see if Serenity's okay!" she had yelled over her shoulder, pink dress flying round her legs.

Jayne had tried to grab her as she went but she nimbly dodged his hand and he didn't have the strength to follow her. Benjamin said he would follow her and check that she was alright. He limped from the barn, his right arm dripping blood from where he had collected a Reaver knife wound to it, but he would live and, as Jayne put it proudly, he'd have one hell of a scar.

Inara shudders and wraps her arms around herself. Suddenly a hand takes hold of her upper arm startling her. The skin on the palm is rough. She turns.

"You alright?" Jayne asks.

She nods. "Despite Simon's best efforts." She twists her mouth, as she isn't sure if she agrees with his actions or not.

Jayne sighs. "I know. Saw Mal give him the gun. Wouldn't have done it for any other reason."

His hand is still wrapped round her bicep. She hasn't asked him to move it yet. Somehow it makes her feel more grounded.

"Can you go and look after River for me?" he asks softly.

Inara nods. "Of course." She can see something haunted behind his eyes.

He gives her arm a squeeze and lets go. She takes a deep breath and steps out of the barn.

* * *

_The grey brain matter slides sickly down the point of the pickaxe that has been driven upwards through the reavers chin. It lies slumped in a dark pool of its own blood. The sandy dust is criss crossed with footprints and drag marks. But this isn't what captures the attention of the Cobb boys._

_Two reavers wait their turn, laughing and salivating at the sight in front of them. The other holds Zoë against the wall, her eyes are closed and while her feet are on the ground they definitely aren't supporting her weight. She is covered with blood. The Reaver is gnawing on one side of her neck. Jayne feels his own blood boil and he lets out a roar. He tackles the nearest reaver, bowling it over. He goes with it, rolling over and over. He feels his face scrape the gravel on the ground. He forces his heels into the floor to stop their motion. He ends up atop the reaver, and yelling again starts hitting it about the head with his fists, his rifle butt, anything he can get hold of._

_The sounds of his brothers fighting behind him sound far away and muffled as Jayne stares at the reaver's ugly face. He suddenly spits blood and teeth into Jayne's face. He recoils, spluttering. The reaver grabs his arm as his guard is momentarily down and yanks. Jayne screams feeling his shoulder make a sickening popping noise._

_Jayne reaches down with his right uninjured hand and grabs hold of something. He brings it down into the reavers face again and again. Several sharp shots ring out behind him but he brings the rock down again, yelling wordlessly. A red mist of rage and fear taking over._

_"Jayne!" someone grabs his hand as he is about to bring it down again. "Its dead!"_

_Jayne looks down at the pulpy mess of blood and skull and skin that used to be a reaver's face. "Jesus!" He throws himself to his feet, left arm swinging uselessly, staring in horror at it._

_Then shakes himself from it and turns to Zoë. She is slumped at the bottom of the wall, not moving._

_"Zoë!" Jayne skids to his knees and fumbles to find a pulse in her wrist. There is a minute flutter there but its weak, barely there. He hauls her over his good shoulder and staggers to his feet as she hangs limply. He needs to find the doctor and he needs to find Mal.

* * *

_

Daniel Cobb shoves a piece of wood from his head and bites back the scream that comes to his throat. His arm is definitely broken.

"Maddie!" he yells hoarsely. "Maddie!"

"Here."

He looks round to see his little sister, her face covered in blood from a cut at her hairline. She is cradling baby Mal to her chest and he is bawling. Daniel realises that he couldn't hear any of it when he was panicking about escaping from the wreckage of the shed. He starts to laugh. "Gorramit Maddie you scared me!"

He gets awkwardly to his feet. "C'mon."

* * *

Kaylee stares at the mess of tangled metal that is scattered around Serenity. Mal's security measures had stopped them getting inside so the reavers have taken their frustration out on the hull. The entire housing of one engine has gone, twisted into pieces at her feet. Kaylee feels her eyes well up and feels stupid. It's just a ship. They could have lost a lot more today. But it's Serenity.

A hand slides into hers. She looks up at Jayne's brother. "It'll be ok. Next town over has a sizable junkyard we can fix her up."

Kaylee nods silently, listening to the screaming echoing back from the town. "What do you need me to do?"

* * *

Simon's fingers flash over the wounds, muttering to himself. Mal hovers shirtless, staring at Zoë with a twisted expression on his face. He is leaning against the second bed, his arms folded. His blood soaked shirt has been flung on the worktop forgotten.

Wash stands at the foot of the bed. "Come on Zoë, wake up."

Suddenly her eyes flit open and she bites down hard on the coming scream. Her body arches on the bed. Simon jumps, stares at her for a shocked millisecond then starts checking the monitors, muttering. "Sedation levels should be stable."

"Zoë?"

"Baby?"

Wash and Mal fly from their places to the sides of the bed. Her eyes flit around, half crazy with pain, catching Wash's for a moment then settling steadily on Mal's. Her face is bruised, her left cheek purple and swollen, there is still a splattering of dried blood on her skin too. Her dark eyes are fixed on Mal's. He feels his breath catch in his lungs. There is a pleading look there that he has only seen once before. In that gorram valley in those days after the surrender, holding on. She had asked this question with her eyes then too. Mal had said no. He knows exactly what he has to do now. He gives her a tight lipped sad little smile and nods, just once, barely moving his head.

The monotone beep fills the room.

"Zoë! Don't you dare do this! Zoë!" Wash shakes her by the shoulders.

"I'm so sorry," Simon steps back, away from the monitors. "I tried…"

Wash rounds on him. "You tried? You're the big city Core doctor, try HARDER!"

Simon shakes his head. "I can't. I'm sorry Wash. Her system went into too much shock…" He reaches out to rest a hand on the pilot's shoulder. Wash swats him roughly away.

Simon continues gently. "Human bites are the most likely to get infected…"

"They ain't human," Wash growls. "You killed her."

Simon stares at him, open-mouthed. He makes a few silent o sounds.

Wash turns back to the bed and puts his hand on Zoë's arm.

"Don't…" Simon starts.

Wash looks back. "Is she just a body on a slab to you now?" he spins and shoves Simon back hard. "She is my wife!"

Simon bites his tongue as he stumbles against the doorframe. He makes a decision. "I have to help the other people," he says, trying very hard to keep his voice steady.

"You doctors," Wash spits venomously. "You're just workaholics with God complexes! Go! GET OUT!"

Simon grabs his medical bag and leaves quickly.

Wash rounds on Mal who is standing where he was before.

"You…" the pilot's voice cracks. "Standing there. Alive. Covered in her blood."

Mal looks down at himself. He is covered in red, staining his trousers and skin of his stomach and chest, and he had not even noticed.

Wash continues. "She looked at you and…died." Wash steps up to Mal, getting right in his face. "She was my wife. Yet she looked at you! What gives you the right to give her permission to die?"

"Wha…" Mal stops. That was exactly what he had done.

"Took orders until the end." Wash's voice is high and verging on hysterical. "Its your fault she's dead!" Then he hits Mal. And Mal lets him. Wash's punch is obvious, sloppy but hard and it sends Mal's head snapping sideways. He shakes the stars from his vision silently and gives his pilot an icy stare. He does not retaliate. Just turns and goes to Zoë's side. He takes a deep shuddery breath, leans over and kisses her firmly on the lips. They are already going cold. Not like that lingering warm kiss in the barn before she shoved him to the floor. He closes her eyes gently with his fingers.

"Sleep well Zoë," he whispers, voice wobbling alarmingly. "57th Overlanders dismissed."


	9. Relight My Fire

Howdy to all my readers. New chaper for you all to savour and enjoy.

Everyone's been very slow at reviewing lately. Where are y'all?

Please also see my new story 'San Diego Serenade'.

* * *

Chapter 9: Relight My Fire

Simon walks into the schoolroom that is serving as an infirmary and offers his services to the town's doctor – Doctor Kimson – a bearded man maybe in his forties who gratefully accepts the help. Simon looks round the room and feels like he might pass out. He's a trauma surgeon, he is meant to thrive on this. But his shirt is already blood stained and he doesn't want to do this.

He spots Jayne first. He threads his way across the room to him and puts his bag on the table where Jayne is sat.

"Zoë is dead," he says before Jayne can ask.

Jayne looks at the floor. "Wode tìan!"

"Where's River?"

"Sent her home. Inara is with her." Jayne hisses as Simon gets hold of his shoulder. "Watch it doc!"

Simon resets the arm properly. Jayne makes a strangled screaming noise. Simon didn't have enough anaesthetic to spare. But Jayne moves the shoulder now.

"Thanks," he says sincerely.

Simon pats his good shoulder. "Glad you're alive Jayne."

"You too Simon."

"Where's Kaylee?"

Jayne jerks his head across the room at a figure wearing a bloody plastic apron over her pink and white dress, with her head in a yellow plastic bucket being sick. She straightens, wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and moves onto the next patient she is helping. Simon walks up beside her and squeezes her arm. She looks up at him.

He swallows. "I have to tell you…Zoë…" he blinks. "She's gone."

Kaylee starts crying. Then turns away from him when Doctor Kimson calls her name. She keeps the pressure on the wadding she holds over a wound.

Simon doesn't have time to stop and tell her it's going to be okay. He just moves on to the next patient. He stitches up Jayne's brother Benjamin's arm and sets Daniel's break. Then checks over baby Mal and Maddie. He tells her to take the baby away. Take him home and stay there. He doesn't tell her why.

Simon does what he can for people and all the while his insides feel like he is falling. Doctor Kimson has warned him. He does things that go against all his Hippocratic oaths as a doctor and he isn't proud of it. He makes sure that Kaylee never sees him do it. She wouldn't understand. He sees her throwing up more than once. But she always goes back to holding the person's hand or helping Doctor Kimson. She keeps crying. Simon is so proud of her.

* * *

River climbs into the big double bed in their room in Jayne's mother's house. She pulls the covers up to her chin. She can hear the aftermath of the reaver attack and it makes her head hurt. She knows Zoë is dead. She felt it. She starts crying. She feels Simon, working himself into exhaustion and he won't stop yet, despite it being four a.m. Kaylee is one whirling ball of fear and horror; River can taste bile at the back of her throat. She won't reach out for Mal or Wash, she can't bear it.

Instead she listens to furore downstairs. Jayne is home.

"You get that blood off you and you go up to that little girl of yours! She must be scared stiff."

"Yes mama," Jayne replies and his feet come thudding slowly up the stairs. He stops and speaks to Inara. River eavesdrops through the wall.

"River okay?"

"Yes. But she sent me away and said she wants to sleep."

"Zoë is dead."

She hears Inara gasp, and then two sets of feet go back downstairs.

"Ma you got any whisky?" Jayne calls.

Then he thumps back up and River hears water running in the bathroom next door. Minutes later the door opens and Jayne comes in. he shuts the door silently and crosses the room. He is shirtless and she can see the blossoming red-purple bruises around his left shoulder and upper arm. In his right shoulder the scar from Osiris is still red.

"Hey baby," he says softly as he gets undressed and crawls under the covers. He pulls River close to him and buries his face against her neck. "Nearly lost you," he murmurs.

"Nearly. But we're alright." She takes his hand and guides it onto her belly. "She's alright. Staying indoors for now."

Jayne flexes his fingers over her bump. "Thank god. I would never have forgiven myself if…"

"Sshh," River's lip wobbles. "Simon…"

"I know what he was told to do," Jayne interrupts. "I saw Mal give him the gun. I'd rather that than the reavers…" he shudders and falls silent.

River starts to cry.

Jayne knows exactly what he could have lost tonight. "River, I love you so much." Then he kisses her deeply, savouring her mouth against his.

* * *

The whisky burns all the way down her throat. But she sticks out her glass for a second shot when she has downed the first. She wonders where Mal is. But she can't bring herself to walk out there to find him. But Zoë…oh Buddha. She prays it was quick. She prays that Jayne killed them all. She prays that Mal wasn't there. But he was. He always would be. For any of them. She prays for Simon who is still out there, up to his elbows in blood, who probably watched Zoë go. She prays for Wash because. She doesn't know where to go. And she sticks out her glass for a third slug of whisky.

* * *

Simon staggers, exhausted, into the barn seeking only solitude and quiet, and somewhere to collapse. He walks inside the dark until he finds a section of hay bales far enough that he can't be seen from the door and away from where that woman's body lay. Someone has already taken it away.

He peels off his shirt and throws it to one side. Then lies down and closes his eyes. The hay scratches his back but it feels like the softest bed in the world. His stomach swoops sickly.

Kaylee creeps into the barn, following Simon. She doesn't know where else to go. She stops and looks down at him, laying bare chested in the hay. She squirms her feet inside her shoes, he looks so gorram swai. Not now, she thinks, and bites her lip.

"Simon?"

He opens his eyes and sees Kaylee standing in front of him, her eyes red rimmed.

"Are you…alright?" she asks voice tearful. "I can go if you want me too."

"No, don't." He pats the hay beside him. "Sit."

She lowers herself to the hay beside where he lays. And they sit in silence for a few minutes; the only sound that of their harsh sobbing breaths as they give in to despair and exhaustion. They don't look at each other – Simon has shut his eyes again – somehow they can't bear to.

Simon rolls over suddenly and slings an arm over Kaylee's waist. She sucks in her breath. "Simon are you sure you..?"

"Shut up," he says opening his eyes. "Just shut up Kaylee. Please."

She looks down at him, his lip is wobbling. Then his composure goes. He presses his face against her stomach sobbing brokenly.

"I couldn't save her Kaylee." He hiccups. "And they stood there and watched me fail. We watched her die."

Kaylee starts to cry again. She puts her hand on his head and runs her fingers through his hair. She rubs her thumb across the bones at the base of his skull. Simon groans softly, feeling disgusted at himself at how good her hands feel on him. He looks up just as she looks down, her hands continuing to massage the tension from his scalp absently, not paying attention to what she is doing.

He feels his body reacting to her touch and sheer presence, and feels dismayed. He looks down and tries to will the feeling away. Kaylee realises and stops her hand.

"I…"

Simon looks up again. Then grabs her head and pulls her roughly to kiss him. He releases her from the bruising kiss a minute later.

"I'm sorry."

Kaylee blinks. "I thought…you…" she swallows. "I though you'd given up on me."

Simon pushes himself to a sitting position, reaches out and cups her cheek with a hand. "Never."

Kaylee is still crying but somehow it doesn't matter now. She pushes him back in the hay and fumbles at his belt, while Simon pulls her dirty dress over her head.

Their lips meet again, roughly, hungrily. Seeking solace and safety in each other. For these few hours nothing else will matter.

* * *

Mal retreats to the darkness of his bunk and bolts the hatch from the inside. He washes the blood off his skin silently without looking in the tiny mirror above the sink. He can't look. He doesn't want to know what he will see in his own eyes.

He towels himself dry roughly and flings the towel to the floor. He tears his bunk apart looking for it. When he finds it he closes his hand around its cold silvery shape and sits on the edge of his bed. He bows his head.

"Dear God, I know I ain't spoken to you for a long time and I know back then I was out of my mind with reavers and the like. But I need to ask you something. Please take care of her. She's better than what happened to her. She was always the better one. Miles better than me. I know you're watching Zoë, I did it for you. I thought it was what you wanted. But it weren't. I just wanted you to stop hurting. I could see from the doc's face that it weren't good. He gets this crease between his eyebrows when things ain't gonna work out an' he had it tonight Zoë. I just got stupid and scared. And I'm sorry. So you hear me God you take care of my girl you hear? I probably ain't gonna get up there to see her. I made my peace with that. Just look after her. For me. And for Wash. Amen."

He fastens the cross around his neck and lets it drop onto his chest, warmed by his palm. He grabs a shirt and pulls it on roughly, concealing the cross. It feels like it should belong there, it did once, a long time ago, but now he feels like a fraud.

* * *

_"It mornin' already?"_

_Corporal Zoë Alleyne sits up and eyes her superior officer who is spooning beans out of a tin with a giddiness that is kind of disturbing. Especially at this time of the morning._

_"Las' time I checked yeah," Sergeant Mal Reynolds mumbles round his spoon._

_"Hurray," she says sarcastically. "We dead yet?"_

_Mal grins at her through the grime on his face. "Nope."_

_"Shame." Being dead seemed preferable somehow to being here._

_"C'mon Zoë who'd wanna miss all this." He gestures with his spoon towards the empty battlefields._

_She gives him a look. Mal just grins back at her and shovels more beans into his mouth._

_"Want some?" he mumbles, mouth full._

_She shakes her head and stares despondently at the trench they are sitting in._

_"Cheer up. Its not like we'll be here forever."_

_"Only the sky and the green grass last forever," Zoë murmurs softly. "Today is a good day to die."_

_"Rubbish." Mal says merrily. He throws the empty bean tin to one side. "Ain't no good day to die." He stares into her eyes, a fierce look in his. He raises his voice so that the others nearby hear him. "No one here is gonna die you hear me? We hold this gorram valley!"_

Translation Notes

Wode tìan! Oh God! (Literally Oh sky!)

Swai - cute


	10. Patience

Sorry for the delays - I seem to have been mega busy, plus I made a Firefly music video. Go to youtube and search for vampbarbie13 and you'll find it! (Shameless self promotion over)

Please read and review...Its all a bit depressing though!

* * *

Chapter 10: Patience

Last night she had clung to him as though she were drowning, but since the dawn it has seemed as if she would prefer to be drowned. She sits beneath that tree on the bank and stares blankly out on the landscape. He hair blows into her face with the light breeze but she makes no move to push it away. Tears run silently down her face. Simon walks over to her and sits beside her. He slides an arm silently around her shoulders and she leans into him gratefully.

He knows how she feels. He has already been back to Serenity. To clear up. Luckily he avoided seeing either Wash or Mal. He tidied away all the instruments and wires and monitors, all the blood. He'd told her he was sorry, as he covered her face with the white sheet. Then lowered the temperature of the room to preserve her body. He wonders where Wash went.

Simon questions why he was planning to leave Serenity. He is not sure if he is strong enough to do it. But he will, if it's the best thing to do. And then he'll break later, out of sight and far away. But sitting here staring out at the grass with Kaylee, his insides are feeling like he might vomit. He has caused the girl under his arm nothing but heartache and he doesn't deserve to stay. He has done some terrible things this last day and before. Broken oaths that he'd tried to tell himself he wouldn't break again. Killed innocent people with all the goodness of his heart. And hidden it from her so she won't think badly of him. Sometimes it's the best thing to do, then lie to the higher ups about deaths from natural causes or from their injuries. Simon feels sick.

Kaylee likes the feel of his arm around her. She feels safe here. But oh god Zoë. Her stomach is all tied in knots. And she couldn't find Wash. She hopes he doesn't do anything stupid. And Simon is going to leave. Maybe not on St Owens. But soon. So last night couldn't mean anything more than one mistake. Just something they both needed in that moment. She couldn't let it become more than that. Despite what he'd said. She just couldn't.

* * *

River finds Wash sat in the top meadow, his back against a fence post staring blankly at the grazing cattle. His eyes are puffy, not from crying only lack of sleep. River notes that he has the same shirt on as last night still stained with sweat and possibly those dark patches are blood. She sits beside him awkwardly and stays silent for a long time.

"Is everyone alright?" he suddenly asks.

"Yes."

"The baby?"

She nods. "Fine. False alarm. Inara stayed awake all night drinking when she heard. Jayne was with me. I never saw Mal. Simon and Kaylee spent all night with the wounded…"

"Did he kill them too?" Wash winces at what he is saying.

"You can't blame Simon," River says quietly, but there is a sharpness to her voice. "He is a good doctor. He will have done everything he could possibly have done. So don't you dare sully him and his actions. He tried everything for her. Then stayed up and did it again." Her eyes flash darkly. "None of us did that. Except Kaylee who stayed because she had to help. My brother is a good man and he doesn't kill people."

Wash stares at her.

River continues but softens. "I'm so sorry Wash." She lays a hand on his knee.

"What am I going to do?" he says brokenly.

"Come back with me." Tears are trailing down her face now despite her earlier flash of anger. "We're all grieving. We need to stay together now. We're family."

She slides her hand into Wash's and he starts to cry.

* * *

"Hey."

Maddie turns her head. "Hey Jayne."

He slides into the chair beside her gingerly. "I'm proud of you," he says gruffly.

She looks at the tabletop. "I was so scared Jayne. I thought…I thought I was gonna die."

Jayne loops his good arm around her shoulders. "Not my little sister. You're a Cobb remember?"

She nods. "Yeah," but doesn't sound convinced.

He squeezes her tightly against his side. "You kept that kiddie alive."

"Couldn't keep Zoë alive could I? Couldn't stop you or Benji getting hurt. Or Daniel." Tears start running down her cheeks.

"Zoë wanted her son to live. You made sure of that. She'd be proud of you too." Jayne pulls his little sister against him and kisses the top of her head. He's just glad she's alive.

His mother steps up behind him silently and puts a hand on his shoulder. He jumps, a little startled. "I'm proud of my boys."

Jayne looks up. "Thanks ma."

She cuffs him round the head but gently, like a mother bear with her cub, then hugs him round his neck tightly, and loops Maddie into the hug too.

"Ma!" Jayne whines but secretly likes the feeling of being hugged by his mama. Especially today.

She releases them laughing lightly.

* * *

"Mal?" Inara taps on his door softly.

There is the deafening sound of silence.

"Mal? Are you in there?" but she knows he is. No one has seen him in thirty-six hours. No other place that Mal would rather hide in than his beloved ship.

"Mal please," she implores gently. "We just want to know that you're alright."

"Go away."

The voice is dark and quiet but carries up the hatchway easily.

"Mal?"

He doesn't say anything else. Inara tries the hatch carefully. It is locked. If Mal realises that she has done it he does not react. She steps back, her heart thudding in her chest. She feels hurt, but knows she shouldn't given everything. But she wants to be able to be there for him and he won't let her. She doesn't understand why he won't let her.

In his bunk Mal listens to her footsteps retreat down the corridor above him.

* * *

She tosses the piece of metal onto the pile of similarly ruined pieces of metal and wants to cry. She turns over another panel with her boot and stoops to pick it up. This bit may be salvageable. She doesn't hear him come up behind her until he speaks.

"Hey," he says softly.

She turns. "Hey you," but can't keep the quiver out of her voice.

Simon picks up a palm-sized bit of plating and twiddles it between his hands. "How is she looking?"

Kaylee shrugs. "Repairable. I think." Kaylee knows Serenity is just a ship. But it's their home. And to see her broken feels like a violation of something.

Simon gives her arm a squeeze. "I'll see you later okay?"

She nods and turns miserably back to her pile of metal as Simon walks away. She doesn't notice him take the piece he was holding with him.

* * *

Simon expects to get a thumping when Wash corners him in the kitchen of the Cobb family home.

"Simon?"

He turns slowly, waiting for the fist in the face.

Wash stares at him, a twisted tortured look on his face. "Did they…" he swallows roughly. "Did they…to Zoë…"

"What?" Simon frowns trying to work out what he is asking.

Wash bites his lip, looking on the verge of tears. "Zoë…I have to know." He swallows again. "Did those tyen-sah duh uh-muo rape my wife?"

Simon stares at him in horror for one horrible shocked moment. "No, Wash they didn't."

Wash breathes out shakily. "Thank God."

Simon pats him awkwardly on the shoulder. "They tried, there were bruises on her legs but she must have given them hell to stop them. Jayne got there in time."

Wash nods, swallowing hard. "I just had to know," he whispers.

"I know."

"I talked to the preacher man. Day after tomorrow. The funeral…"

Simon nods. "I'll tell the others for you." He squeezes Wash's shoulder then lets him go. Wash nods at him, just once then leaves the kitchen.

* * *

Translation Notes

Tyen-sah duh uh-muo. - Goddamn monsters.


	11. All I Want Is You

I realised the other day just how long i have been writing this story for! Its at least six months so the fact that you all stick with me and review is amazing! Thank you so much.

This chapter is both very sad with some happiness coming.

* * *

Chapter 11: All I Want Is You

The day of the funeral dawns gallingly bright and sunny. So why he finds himself in the near darkness of the bar this early in the morning, he isn't quite sure. She just slides along the smooth bench stool at the beaten piano as he sits down beside her. He sets his double whisky on top of the piano. She slides her hands down the keys and carries on playing, letting him join in. They don't look at each other until they finish the tune. He grabs the glass and takes a deep swig before offering it to her. She shakes her head delicately then bites her lip. Her dark eyes are swimming with tears.

"Simon…" she says then stops.

He slides his arm around her as she starts to cry. She doesn't want to cry in front of him. She should do that alone, somewhere that isn't here.

Simon gives her a squeeze and loops his other arm around her. She presses her face against his shoulder, leaving a wet patch on his shirt. He doesn't say anything. He'll just be here for her. He wants to tell her his news but she isn't the first woman he can tell. And he can't tell her before the looming funeral. He wants her to tell him not to leave them. They all think that upon finding the right port Simon Tam is going to disappear. He wants to turn back the clocks so that she isn't crying in his arms. He wants many things and right now he isn't going to get many of them.

She stops hiccupping and lifts her face to stare at him, her eyes shining wetly. He pushes a strand of tear stuck hair off her cheek gently with his thumb and smiles sadly at her. He leans forward and presses a firm close-lipped kiss on her mouth. Then he stands and knocks back the last of the whisky.

She stares up at him her mouth open slightly. "What…?"

Simon smiles at Inara tenderly. "Just want you to know I love you." He pauses and looks awkward, realising exactly what he has just said. "Not that way, I mean….oh god….Inara…we're family. I'm not leaving. Can't." he smiles ruefully, knowing he is messing this up. "What I mean is…"

She stops him with a shake of her head. "I know Simon, I know." She stands, delicately wiping at her eyes. She takes his hand. "I'm glad you're not leaving us."

She looks towards the door wincingly slightly. "Shall we?"

He nods, but wants only to order another drink and hide in the gloomy bar rather than face Wash. But he holds out his arm gentlemanly.

* * *

Mal's first words to anyone upon leaving his bunk that morning are bitter and harsh. He comes across Jayne and River sat in the common area, curled up together on the sofa. He pauses out of their sight. Their fingers are interlinked, and River's free hand hovers on her belly. Jayne smiles at her gently as he captures this hand in his.

"It will be alright River."

She smiles back and Mal wants to smack the expressions off their faces. He steps into the room fully.

"Mal!" River exclaims.

Malcolm Reynolds's chin has two days worth of stubble on it and his eyes are shadowed.

"You even think about naming that kid Zoë and I'll make you both sorry," he growls cruelly.

River's eyes go wide and she gets that wavering expression women get when they are about to cry. Jayne looks ready to leap to his feet but River's tightening on his hand restrains him. They don't say a word as he growls, "Where's Wash?" and stalks from the room.

He finds Wash in the infirmary. With Zoë. Dressed in black. Mal pauses in the doorway breath catching momentarily. Then he recovers himself.

"Wash set a course for Hera."

Wash looks up his eyes red rimmed, and Mal notices he is holding his dead wife's hand. "What?" he asks disbelievingly.

"Hera. Now."

"Hera? No."

Mal steps into the room. "She'd want to be buried with her battalion…"

"No," he shakes his head, voice quiet but getting louder with every word. "No no no! You are not burying my wife in your gorram valley!"

They are now nose to nose, eyeballing each other.

"Pilot, you will get this ship in the air or…"

"Screw your ship!" Wash explodes, grabbing Mal by the collar of his coat. "Screw you Reynolds!" He slams Mal back against the wall beside the door. "Zoë is my wife! Mine! Not yours! I don't care what kind of crush you've got on her now. Don't think I didn't notice, I ain't stupid. All those little looks, the dancing, kissing her hand. I saw it all. From her as well. Man you idolise turning up from the dead, well that's bound to turn a woman's head. Even her." His voice is bitter. "But she still had the man-she-never-slept-with thing with you Reynolds, even last night. I trust her. So I wasn't worried. She married me! She meant those vows so however you tried to trick her to satisfy your twisted desires you wouldn't get her. Not ever!" Wash spits, then lowers his voice to a snarl. "You don't get a say in this."

Kaylee walks into the room at that moment, holding Zoë's leather necklace out in her hand. "I think I fixed it Wash…Wash? Cap'n?"

Wash lets Mal go and turns to Kaylee. "Thank you Kaylee." He takes the necklace and goes to put it round his wife's neck.

Kaylee stares between them nervously. "What happened? Cap'n?"

Mal remains slumped against the wall, transfixed at the tender manner that Wash attaches Zoë's necklace. He could never have been like that with Zoë. Wash really loves her. He really and truly does. And I couldn't give her that. I loved her and I couldn't have been like that with her. He pushes himself upright.

Wash gives Zoë a kiss on the lips lightly. "Goodbye Zoë."

"You're scaring me," Kaylee says staring between them again.

"Why are you here?" Mal asks her suddenly, but not harshly.

"Wash asked me," she stutters nervously. "To find…Zoë…some clothes."

Mal looks over at Zoë's body. She is dressed in her brown leather vest over a long sleeved dark green top with beige trousers and her boots.

"Kaylee come on, we have to meet the others," Wash says grabbing her hand. He glares at Mal. "Its up to you if you come or not. I don't care. The undertaker will be here soon." He practically tows Kaylee from the room.

Mal stares after them a moment. Then he steps over to Zoë's body. She looks like she is sleeping.

"Hey Zoë," he says softly. "I told you I loved you but I can never love you the way he does. I'm so sorry Zoë. I'm so sorry…"

He whirls and nearly sprints from the room.

* * *

River holds Wash's hand throughout the majority of the service. They didn't ask each other it just happened that way. Jayne stands half a pace behind her right shoulder; with baby Mal balanced in the crook of his arm and managing just fine. Kaylee stands on Wash's left hand side and keeps looking between him and Simon on her other side. Simon has been nearly silent since he arrived, just keeps staring at the pine wood coffin with haunted eyes. Kaylee thinks about taking his hand but hesitates. Something is broken behind his eyes. He looks guilty and sick.

Mal walks up and stands just behind Inara at the foot of the grave. He stands so close that the suede of his coat brushes against her bare arm.

"Mal…" she breathes softly.

He notices that her eyes are red.

Behind them the townspeople spread around the grave.

But now Luke Cobb is inviting Wash to speak so Mal does not answer her.

Wash's voice is steady. "Zoë was the strongest and bravest person that I ever met, and despite knowing that she could kill me with her pinkie I pestered her until she fell in love with me."

That raises the ghost of a laugh.

"She gave me my beautiful son who I swear baby is going to be told all your stories. Even the ones with rib cages when he gets big enough. And I have our family," he looks round at the crew, "who are gonna help raise Malcolm Washburn whether they like it or not."

Kaylee laughs through her tears and pushes her hand into Wash's.

He continues. "Most of you never knew my wife, but I wish you could of." He looks down at the coffin, eyes growing suddenly wet. "Zoë, my autumn flower…but I was wrong about the next bit. You're still as beautiful as the first time I set eyes on you. Thank you for making my life so much more exciting Zoë. I love you."

Wash looks back up at Luke Cobb his eyes shining. Luke nods his thanks and looks to the congregation. "Does anyone else have a memory of Zoë they wish to share?"

Mal clears his throat. Wash's head snaps to him sharply. Kaylee and River squeeze his hands simultaneously. Luke gestures for Mal to continue.

Mal looks from the coffin to Wash. "I was wrong," he says, "for trying to stop Zoë marrying you. You were the best thing that ever happened to her. You were her reward for surviving Serenity Valley."

There is an intake of breath from some of the crowd who eye Mal with a new respect.

"I'm sorry Wash," he continues. "Zoë didn't deserve this. No one did." He looks at the coffin. "Zoë you saved my life in more ways than you'll ever know."

River is crying and even Inara snuffles a bit.

Jayne speaks up, jiggling the child in his arms. "Hell Zoë was…"

His mother slaps his arm sharply. "Don't say hell at a funeral!"

Jayne looks at his brother. "Sorry Father," he says trying to hide the hint of brotherly sarcasm. "Zoë was the brave one. The stupid one too for following Mal so long. The better one. Some of us mourned her once; we'll mourn her again. And it will be hard again. The crew will be poorer for her loss, but she'll live on in her baby boy who is always gonna know who his mama was, and what she did for him." He looks steadily at the coffin. "Fly free Zoë. You earned it."

Wash is open mouthed at the eloquent memorial given to his wife by Jayne of all people.

Luke Cobb raises his bible and starts to speak. "In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our sister Zoë Washburn; and we commit her body to the ground; earth to earth; ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless her and keep her, the Lord make His face shine upon her and be gracious unto her and give her peace. Amen."

"Amen," the assembled people chorus. Even Mal manages to say it although so softly only Inara hears him.

One by one the crew throw handfuls of dirt down onto the coffin. As Simon does so he says "I'm sorry," and looks like he might cry before walking away quickly, his head down.

Inara murmurs a few words in Chinese, a prayer to preserve the soul from harm. Mal crumbles the soil slowly. "Goodbye Zoë."

Kaylee mumbles "Goodbye Zoë," all the while crying her eyes out. Jayne has given baby Mal to his mother and just throws his dirt wordlessly. River pauses staring at the coffin. "Zoë is at peace now. Zoë is loved." She looks round at Wash, her eyes wet. "She will always be."

Then Wash gets bundled in a wet sobbing hug from both Kaylee and River. But he doesn't mind, he kisses Kaylee's hair then River's. "Thank you both," he says, voice wavering, before he extracts himself from their grip. He reclaims his son from Lisa Cobb and starts to walk back to the house.

The all trail after him slowly, Mal throwing a last look over his shoulder at the grave before grabbing hold of Inara's hand without a word. She looks down at their hands but just carries on walking into the house.

Inside the mood is sombre despite Lisa Cobb having laid out a spread of food and drink. River and Jayne hover clutching drinks and looking uncomfortable. Simon is nowhere to be seen. Kaylee toys with a strawberry, too upset even to eat it, near the doorway looking like she wants to run. Inara tries to keep her eye on both Wash and Mal, but in averting all the people who want to give Wash their wishes, she loses Mal.

Wash sits with baby Mal on his knee.

"Where's Mama?" his son asks, staring at him with wide eyes.

Wash blinks and wants to cry. But he takes a deep breath and smiles reassuringly at his son. "Mama had to go away."

"When's she back?" he lisps.

"She can't come back. She had to go with the angels."

Baby Mal absorbs this quietly. "I miss mama," he says quietly.

"Me too," Wash says, unable to stop the tear running down his face.

Suddenly he is enveloped in a motherly hug. He looks up to see Lisa Cobb smiling sadly at him. He feels safe here so it lets the small women keep her arms around him and doesn't rub away the tears that come.

* * *

Mal stares at the cross above the alter so hard that his eyes start to burn. He doesn't know why he has come here. He rests his elbows on his knees and interlinks his fingers. He wants to pray, but he doesn't know what for. God won't listen to him. He doesn't deserve to be heard anyway. He hears the footsteps come up alongside the pew he sits upon but doesn't look up.

"May I help you my son?"

Mal snorts. "I think there's a few years too many years between us for me to be your son Preacher."

Luke Cobb laughs. "That is often so Captain. But the offer stands."

Mal finally averts his eyes from the cross and looks at the clean-shaven younger version of Jayne. "Feel like I'm damned."

"Sometimes salvation and damnation are the same thing."

"Doesn't feel like it," Mal says looking up at the wooden ceiling beams.

Luke pats his shoulder. "I doubt that you are damned Captain Reynolds. Your relationship with the Lord is complicated for a reason. And that makes you a stronger person for it."

"Zoë made me a stronger person. All of my crew did. Now I think I've lost them." Mal takes his gaze back to the cross. "I don't know what to do."

Luke gives his shoulder a comforting squeeze before walking away. "Then ask God what to do Captain Reynolds. He has the answers."

* * *

Simon fins Kaylee sat on her bank under the tree, on the ridge of twisted roots there. He swallows the lump in his throat and calls to her. "Kaylee."

She looks round, her eyes pink and damp. "Hey," she says miserably. Then catches something in his eyes. "What is it?"

This is it, she thinks numbly. He is going to tell me that he is leaving. Next port and he will walk out of Serenity for the last time.

His mouth twitches at one corner with the faintest ghost of a smile. Then he crouches at her feet, just down from the bank she is sat upon. He reaches into a pocket and pulls something unseen from it. She tries to get a glimpse of what it is.

"Kaylee," he says, voice serious, drawing her attention back to his face. "I have to ask you something."

"What?" she can hear the tremble in her own voice.

"I know this is the worst time imaginable to do this…"

"Do what Simon?" If he says goodbye I may start crying again, she thinks.

"Will you…" he swallows then starts again. "Will you Kaywinnet Lee Frye do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

She gapes at him a moment then answers, "Yes! God Simon yes!"

He grins at her and opens his hand so that the contents drops down to hang from his fingers on its narrow silver chain.

"For me?" she asks as she reaches for it.

He nods, still crouched at her feet. "You'd bash a ring to smithereens on the engine."

She touches the pendants with a fingertip. One is a small silver edged red glass heart, like a church window. The other is maybe two inches in length, an abstract design of two interwoven strands of dull grey metal.

"Serenity," he says as she touches it.

"How?" she asks in disbelief.

"Your scrap pile. Jeweller in town. And a handful of platinum to get it done quickly. Worth it for the look on your face right now."

"I love you," she says softly.

"I love you too Kaylee. It took some terrible things for me to realise it but I do."

He moves to place the chain around her neck gently, fastening it and brushing her neck softly as he does so. Kaylee grips it in her hand carefully. He sits down on the root beside her and takes her hand.

"I don't want to wait. I've been stupid and lost enough time with you already. I want to get married here."

Kaylee blinks. "What about your parents? What about mine?"

Simon raises his eyebrows at her. "I threatened to kill my father remember? He wouldn't come."

"Your mother?"

He looks at the floor. "She might. But she's on Osiris. It would take days. Maybe weeks. I don't want to wait."

"But no one…"

"I don't care." Simon takes both her hands in his. "I'll stand in an empty church Kaylee I don't care who's there. I want to marry you, that's all."

Kaylee smiles at him. "Okay," she says quietly. "Let's get married."

He kisses her softly, then stares at her eyes searching her face. "Are you sure?"

"Lets have it just us. Simple. Just be prepared to explain yourself to my mama when we go there for a party."

"Okay," he says softly with a smile. "When?"

"As soon as possible," she squeezes his hand. "Tomorrow?"

"We'd better go and see the preacher."

* * *

"You'll initiate start up if you press the buttons in that order."

Kaylee jumps. "I…err…that is…"

Wash steps into the bridge and eyes her sitting in his seat. "You want to WAVE your mother and tell her the news don't you?"

Kaylee's eyes go wide. "What news?" she stalls, thinking quickly.

Wash sits himself on the edge of the console and touches her necklace. "He asked you at last. He's got that same goofy smile I wore for a week after Zoë said yes." He smiles sadly at the memory. Then grabs her hands and pulls her to her feet, and into a tight hug. "Can spot it a mile off. I'm happy for you." He holds Kaylee at arm's length and looks at her. "I am."

"We weren't going to tell anyone 'til we'd done it. After…" she swallows and blinks.

"She'd be happy for you. When?"

Kaylee glances at the clock on the console. "About two hours time."

Wash stands. "Then I shall leave you to your calls Miss Kaylee," he says mock seriously. He bows to her and heads for the door.

"Wash," She calls after him.

He pauses and looks back at her.

"You can come if you want."

He smiles weakly. "I don't know if I can face that Kaylee…I'm sorry." He walks from the room. "I just can't."

Kaylee stares at him for a moment then makes her call. To Osiris.

Simon's mother looks immaculate when she answers. "Good day? Oh Kaylee isn't it?"

Kaylee nods. "I had to WAVE you, I have some news."

"Is it River? The baby? Simon? Are they alright?"

"They're fine! Its good news. Me and Simon are getting married. Today."

"Married!? Today? A couple of days ago he told me you were broken up! He said he was leaving." She looks confused.

"I know its fast. Things have happened and well…" Kaylee bites her lip nervously. "I thought you should know."

Then Regan Tam smiles at her. "Thank you so much. Least this time I know of the wedding before hand. Congratulations! Make my wayward son call me when you've made an honest man of him. Hao yun Kaylee."

They sign off and Kaylee WAVES her home. Her dad answers.

"Kaylee?"

"Hi Daddy," she says smiling at him.

"Now you haven't called me Daddy in a long time. What do you want?" but he's grinning.

She takes a deep breath. "I'm engaged!"

He stares at her a moment. Then grins widely and hollers for her mother.

"Oh Kaylee! My little Kaylee all engaged! We were wondering when that would happen! Who to?" she asks upon appearing.

She smiles shyly. "Simon."

A frown flicks briefly over her mother's face at the mention of his name. "He ain't gonna break your heart is he? Again."

She shakes her head firmly. "He ain't mama."

"You aren't pregnant are you?"

"What? No! We love each other."

"So when are you coming home to get wed?"

Kaylee bites her lip. "We're not. We're getting married on St Owens."

"What?"

"We want to do this. Just the two of us. Please understand. Daddy please." She turns imploring eyes on her father.

He sighs. "If you have to little Kaylee. Go marry your doctor. Just come visit soon."

"I will. We all will. I love you."

"We love you too," he says and her mother smiles too.

"Bye," Kaylee says as she signs off. She sits staring at the screen for a few moments and then rouses herself into moving to go and get ready.


	12. Beautiful World

Here it is. The very very very last chapter of the series. Its been a journey and thank you for taking it with me. I'm very sad to let these versions of the characters lie, but their time has come.

Thank you for all the reviews, and i hope that you will continue to read and review my future stuff. (I have a Mal / River story coming soon if people wanna know!)

Italics are as usual flashbacks.

* * *

Chapter 12: Beautiful World

_Simon puts his hand to his ribs and it comes away red. He feels swoopingly sick. He's seen blood before, and he's been shot before. But right now he thinks he might pass out. He can't breathe properly. Oh god I can't breathe. He tries to think sensibly as he darts round another corner and presses himself against the wall of an alley. He hears the security hovercraft race past the entrance of the alley and he sighs in relief. I got shot, oh god I got shot. Where is River? Is she ok? Simon pushes himself off the wall and heads back towards the docks. Towards Serenity. He stumbles for the infirmary and pulls off his jacket, then lifts his shirt. He could call for Kaylee but he won't. He can't make her see this. Simon won't put blood on her hands, even if it is his. He grabs a pair of tweezers from a tray and probes the wound feeling for the bullet. It isn't in there, probably bounced off his rib. Which is broken. Which explains why he can't breathe. His fingers are slick with sweat now and he feels shaky all over. He throws the tweezers down and bites off a length of cotton to stitch it up with. Simon prepares just enough local anaesthetic to numb his side so he can stitch it. He knows it isn't a good enough job to last. He'll sort it out later when the others get back. He pulls his shirt back down and washes his hands. Then he hears the yelling as the others return but right now he has never felt more alone. _

Simon walks slowly up the church steps and pushes open the wooden doors with a smile on his face.

"Hello Simon."

He jumps. River and Jayne are stood just inside the doors smiling at him.

"I…err…" Simon doesn't know what to say to them. Then he notes their clothes. Jayne has on a clean blue shirt albeit with the sleeves rolled up in the heat and River has a silky green dress stretched over her bump. He sighs.

"Did Kaylee tell you?"

"Nope," Jayne claps him on the shoulder with a smile. "Your sister had a hunch, and it looks to be right."

River smiles sweetly at her brother's exasperated look and kisses him on the cheek. "I always knew you'd ask her." She looks at her husband. "Pay up."

Jayne grumblingly put his hand in his pocket and hands her a five platinum coin. Simon rolls his eyes. River looks up at him. "Congratulations je je."

He leans over and kisses her forehead. "Thank you mei mei."

Jayne looks down the aisle then back at Simon. "Better get down there then." He gives Simon a little push. "Don't chicken out."

* * *

Inara finds Kaylee sat on her bed dressed in her flowery dress staring at her hairbrush, nearly in tears. 

"What's wrong sweetie?" Inara asks concerned sitting next to her.

"I can't get my hair right Inara! It has to go right!"

"Why?" Inara says gently.

Kaylee bites her lip then looks at Inara all wide eyed. "I'm getting married," she whispers. "Simon asked me."

Inara stares at her. "That's wonderful!"

Kaylee shakes her head. "We're getting married today. He asked me after the funeral and we wanted to do it quietly. 'Nara, I can't get my hair right!"

Inara stands and pulls Kaylee to her feet. "We'll fix your hair sweetie. Let's find you something to wear."

"No."

Inara looks at her.

"I want to wear this," she gestures to her dress. "I want it to be me. Plus I want some flowers. And great hair."

Inara laughs. "Of course. We'll have you looking like the belle of the ball."

* * *

_Wash grins at his new wife and continues to beat on the poor piano in the bar in which they are._

_"You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain  
Too much love drives a man insane," he sings badly._

_She rolls her eyes and smiles at him, sipping her drink._

_"You broke my will, oh what a thrill  
Goodness gracious great balls of fire!"_

"_Come sit down Wash," Zoë calls setting her glass back on the table in front of her. She smoothes her hands down her long slinky dress and crosses her legs. _

_Wash grins over his shoulder. "Why my dusky goddess?"_

"_So I can tell you how the captain is going to kick you in the pigu when he finds out what you've done."_

"_What I've done?! Sugar lips you're in this just as deep! Running off to marry the pilot is just so romantic."_

_Zoë rolls her eyes again and drains her glass. Mal is going to kill both of them stone cold dead. He'd made it very very very clear what his feelings were about shipboard romances. They were in so much trouble. Wash has started singing off key again. Luckily the bar is fairly empty. _

"_Hey Wash you big stud!" _

"_That's me honey," he calls at her, looking over his shoulder with a jokey grin. _

"_Take me to bed or lose me forever."_

"_Show me the way to Serenity darling…preferably one where Mal ain't waiting." _

_Zoë grins and walks over to his side. Wash looks at her with a dirty grin. She raises an eyebrow. He grabs her with one hand round the waist and pulls her in front of him, pinning her against the piano. He kisses her deeply. _

"_You know what you've lost?" he asks._

"_Don't even think about pulling that lovin' feeling luh suh," she says warningly._

_He pouts. "Got me in your bed once didn't it? First time if I recall rightly."_

_Zoë swats his arm but grins. "You're gonna be the death of me Hoban Washburn."_

_He smiles at her, with such love shining in his eyes that she swallows. "And you Mrs Zoë Washburn are gonna be my life."

* * *

_

"Don't hold them so tight, they'll wilt before you get down the aisle!" Inara admonishes gently.

Kaylee looks round and grins but releases her death grip on her small posy of wild flowers that they had quickly gathered.

"I'm so glad I told you 'Nara," Kaylee says turning to her friend as they approach the steps.

Inara smiles at her. "I'm glad you told me too. I wouldn't want to miss this. Why weren't you telling anyone?"

Kaylee shrugs. "Didn't seem the time. It didn't matter. We just wanted to be married."

Inara loops her arms around Kaylee and hugs her, mindful of crushing the flowers. "Well you will be soon Kaylee. I'm so pleased for you. Oh hang on."

Inara starts to fuss with the back of Kaylee's dress.

Kaylee reaches out to push open the church door without looking at it. Instead of solid wood her hand meets something far softer.

She and Inara both look up at the same moment. Mal stands in front of the door his arms folded, a serious look on his face.

"Wanna tell me what's going on?"

Kaylee's eyes go wide. "I…err…umm…Captain that is…I…we…"

Inara doesn't know what to say either. "Mal, Kaylee…"

"You're getting married and you didn't tell me."

"Captain I…"

He raises a hand to silence her protest. Inara looks wary.

Mal can't it up any longer. He smiles suddenly and holds out his arm to Kaylee. "You'll need someone to give you away."

* * *

Wash sits and stares at the wall of his bunk…his and Zoë's bunk…until his eyes blur with tears. He swipes angrily at his face. He might be happy for Kaylee and Simon but he can't go and see them get married. Can he? No he can't. How can I sit there and watch that when all I'll do is think about Zoë. It won't be fair to Kaylee. But he thinks about her gorram face as he said he wasn't gonna go. She'd stared at him in that wide-eyed way she has that makes all the men on Serenity do her bidding. Even he would succumb to that look, even if it meant taking the mule four miles out of their way to go buy spare parts. He can't not see her get married. It might be hard but he'll regret it if he doesn't go. Sure as night is day. But seeing her so happy is going to shatter his heart again and he isn't sure he is strong enough to let that happen again. To willingly put himself through that. He pushes his knuckles into his eyes. 

"Zoë…" he groans softly. "Baby what am I gonna do?"

* * *

"You look beautiful." 

Kaylee takes his hand and gives Mal a last smile as he slips into the front pew next to Inara.

"Hope you don't mind," she says nodding her head back towards Mal and Inara.

"Found my own two didn't I?" Simon smiles. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Luke smiles at them and starts the ceremony. "Simon Tam and Kaywinnet Lee Frye have come before God to bless their marriage and to start their lives together as man and wife."

Kaylee's got the giggles and Simon squeezes her hand tightly as he turns to look at her.

"You understand that marriage is a binding agreement before God to remain faithful to each other forever and ever as long as you both shall live?"

They nod.

"Simon if you would like to say your vows."

Simon swallows. "Kaylee most people never get a second chance. So I don't know what I've done to deserve you and all the chances you've given me. I love you so much and swear that I am going to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me."

Kaylee looks like she might cry.

Luke looks to her. "Your turn."

"Simon," she says trying to keep her voice steady. "Well…I…I love you. You and me we're like stabilizers on an engine…" she sees the confused look Simon is giving her. "We're meant to fit together. And we fit Simon; we always have, despite the ups and downs. And I promise that I will not tinker with this engine too much."

"Simon and Kaylee have said their vows to each other before God. Does anyone here have a reason before God why these two should not be joined together in Holy Matrimony?"

The church door suddenly bangs open. Simon and Kaylee turn round and stare down the aisle. Jayne and Mal both reach for the guns they aren't wearing.

Standing silhouetted in the doorway against the bright sun is the shape of a man. He walks half way up the aisle, dressed in a blue Hawaiian shirt.

"Sorry I'm late Kaylee."

"Wash!" Kaylee cries grinning. She gestures to Simon and Luke Cobb to wait a moment, and goes running to the pilot. She hugs him tightly. "Knew you'd come," she whispers in his ear.

"No you didn't," he says but is smiling. "She'd want me to be here. Now get back up there!" Wash gives her a little push.

Kaylee scampers up to the altar.

"You know you picked the worst possible moment," River tells Wash as he drops into the pew just behind her.

"I know," he whispers, his attention on the couple at the front of the church, an uncertain look in his eyes. River squeezes his hand quickly then looks back at her brother.

"Simon do you take Kaywinnet Lee Frye as your lawful wedded wife?" Luke asks him.

"I do."

"And do you Kaylee take Simon Tam as your lawful wedded husband?"

"I do," Kaylee beams.

"Does anyone have the rings?"

Simon and Kaylee stare at each other for a moment.

"We…uh…" Simon starts. "We don't…"

River appears by his side, and holds out her palm with two thin gold rings laying on it. "Our wedding present. Hope they fit. No time to have them sized."

"I love you mei mei," Simon kisses her forehead and takes the rings.

"I know," she grins and hurries back to her seat.

"Repeat after me," Luke says. Simon repeats his vows with a look of deep concentration on his face.

"Kaylee I give you this ring as a symbol of our vows, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honour you. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, with this ring, I thee wed."

He pushes the ring onto her finger on the second try.

"Kaylee if you would repeat after me,"

Kaylee's voice is steady and strong. "Simon, I give you this ring as a symbol of our vows, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honour you. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, with this ring, I thee wed." she pushes the ring onto his finger, and smiles up at him widely. The rings are a perfect fit. River knows them too well.

"I now proclaim you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Simon leans forward and kisses Kaylee softly to the clapping of the rest of the crew.

* * *

"Wash?" 

The pilot turns from watching Simon and Kaylee dance on the ramp of the cargo bay to some of Kaylee's piped music.

"Yeah?" he looks wary as Mal leans on the railing beside him.

Mal takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

"What?" Wash stares at him eyes wide.

"I said I'm sorry," Mal repeats.

"You what?" Wash is still staring at him in disbelief. "Say that again?"

Mal gives him a look. "No. You heard me alright?" he looks awkward. "Don't leave."

Wash gives him a small strained smile. "Was never gonna."

"Good," Mal straightens up all business.

He nods to Wash who nods back. It isn't going to be easy. They both know that. There are going to be many more conversations before they can resolve everything. But today is not that day.

Inara steps up beside them both at that moment. "Doesn't she look happy?" she says nodding towards Kaylee.

"Yeah," Mal says smiling and slips his hand into Inara's.

* * *

Epilogue: Three years later.

"Jayne! Would you get this kid out from under my feet?"

"Yeah yeah," Jayne scoops his daughter into his arms, from the floor of the bridge. "She's as crazy as her ruttin' mother."

"I heard that!" River's voice comes from down the corridor.

Jayne rolls his eyes. From his arms Amber Cobb stares at Mal with wide eyes. "Is Cap Mally mad?"

Jayne smiles at his little girl. "Not at you mêilì. Now bed time I think."

Mal stares at his suddenly gooey mercenary. "You seen Kaylee?"

"Engine room."

"Engine room?! I told her not to set foot in there until she…" Mal stops and rubs his eyes. "How can she even reach the engine past that bump? She lets her waters break all over that engine and there will be hell to pay!"

Mal stomps down the stairs to the corridor where he catches Simon. "Get your wife away from my engine Doc."

"Not again!" Simon groans and heads to find his wayward wife, who despite being ready to give birth at any moment is still trying to fix things.

Mal continues into the dining room to find Wash and little Mal, who at nearly seven isn't so little anymore, fighting dinosaurs across the kitchen work surfaces.

"Uncle Mal!"

"Ah ha!" cries Wash, taking unfair advantage of his son's momentarily distraction and making his t-rex devour Mal's stegosaurus. "Yum yum stego meat!"

"Ben shuiniu tunbu!" the boy snaps, looking annoyed.

Wash raises an eyebrow. "Where did you learn that language?"

Little Mal points at Big Mal, who pulls a 'who me?' face.

"Must have been Jayne," he says and quickly retreats from the room.

Mal heads slowly towards his room and drops down the ladder. Her soft arms encircle him before he can turn round.

"Hey," she says softly.

"Hey," Mal replies.

He turns and eyes Inara, who is wearing only one of his shirts, the sleeves rolled up to keep them off her hands, and her legs long and naked below the hem. Her hair is tied back in a loose ponytail. No more expensive gowns now that she has retired from the Guild. He never asked her to. One day she just said, "I've left the Guild. What can I do to help?" She never said it was for him, and he never asked why.

"Hard day?" she asks raising an eyebrow suggestively.

Mal grins and works a crick out of his neck. "Yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm running a crèche. And that's just Wash and Jayne."

Inara grabs hold of his belt buckle and drags him towards the bed. "Wanna have a go at adding to that crèche?"

Mal's grin widens. "Yeah. Since I love you an' all."

Inara swats him gently. "Yeah since you love me and all Captain." She grabs his arms and pulls him down to the bed. "Now come here!"

**The End

* * *

**

Translation Notes (for whole story) 

Hundan – son of a bitch

Mei mei – little sister

Dong ma? – Understand?

Kwan Yin - Goddess of mercy

Shen sheng diyu - holy hell

Wode tìan! - Oh God! (Literally Oh sky!)

Swai – cute

Tyen-sah duh uh-muo. - Goddamn monsters.

Hao yun – Good luck

Je je – big brother

Pigu - ass

Luh suh – crap

Mêilì – beautiful

Ben shuiniu tunbu – stupid buffalo butt


End file.
